My Opinion. I Own It

UPDATE:  I’ve closed comments on this post.  I don’t feel anything more can be said that hasn’t already been said, and rehashing events we have no control over serves no purpose at this point.

==================

I spent most of the day attached to my computer and Blackberry, fielding the same question over and over and over and over. Email, DM, chat, phone calls. But I couldn’t answer it. Because it was the same one I was asking myself.

Why?

I still don’t know the answer.

It’s so hard when you want so badly to believe something and you can’t.

I am disappointed. I am hurt. I am wondering why someone who called herself my friend reached out to everyone but me, despite my attempts to reach her by email and phone.

I would have backed her up, if there was something to back up. And perhaps that is the crux of the matter. She knows me well enough to know I don’t follow blindly, friend or not. I question everything. Just part of my nature.

Why would the TSA spend that much time and effort digitally altering a video? (Those of you who think you can take video, with the quality of CCTV, magically alter it have been watching too much CSI)

If the video was somehow altered, where are the tears? The hysterics? The sobbing? Can they magically change faces to show a calm person instead?

How someone who has completely destroyed their knee and is taking Vicodin for the pain can walk without a limp, and stand with a baby on your hip and all the weight on that leg.

These are questions I need answers to before I’ll be able to change my opinion.

And this is exactly that. My opinion. I own it. And I stand by it.

It doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it, though. It doesn’t mean I have to like it. It doesn’t mean I don’t desperately wish there was something that could make me believe otherwise.

**If you have no idea what this post is about, trust me when I say you don’t want to.  Just walk away and forget you ever read it**

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51 Responses to My Opinion. I Own It

  • Angelia says:

    I stand behind you on this one, both because you are my friend and because we share the same opinion on this matter. I want (with my whole heart and every fiber of my being) to believe her side of things. I really, truly do. However, with only a half-hearted and excruciatingly vague response to the very telling video, I am forced to believe what my eyes are telling me. And what they are telling me is this: I was duped. My feelings were betrayed. What I thought was a friendship is apparently nothing more than a flimsy facade. I am mad, bitter, and most of all SAD. For her, for myself, and for everyone else who was affected by this horrible situation. No one wins this round.

    Jenn Reply:

    Oh, are you ever right. No one wins. At all. And I think that’s the worst part.

  • Sharon says:

    I had been waiting to hear your take on this because I thought you would know more. That you would be in the know about what was happening behind the scenes so to speak. I share your opinion on this. I am sad to say that but this is how I feel. Honestly I feel a little silly to be feeling anything about a person I really don’t know. I feel sad that I now feel I have to question all that is said and written. I feel sad that someone I thought was a strong women may not be.

    Jenn Reply:

    And that’s the downside to a situation like this. Is you start to question everything. It’s the snowball that becomes an avalanche

  • Anne Y says:

    I think a lot of us are right there with you Jenn. I also want to believe her side of the story, especially after all of the time & energy my swine flu infected ass spent on Twitter the other night tweeting and re-tweeting and sending it to newspapers and news stations in the ATL area. I did those things for a friend as I would assume any other friend would do for me. I was simply helping a friend that I thought (at the time) was in need.

    Now I am at a crossroads and don’t know which way I should go. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, I really do but honestly, I don’t know if I can.

    I’m glad you shared your opinion and I thank you for that!
    Love ya!
    .-= Anne Y´s last blog ..Survivor Sunday Poetry =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I think this is one of those highly charged, emotional events where everyone is going to view the information given to them differently and have to form their own opinion based on that. There doesn’t seem to be any clear answer

  • Heather says:

    Trust is earned. Unfortunately, it only takes mere moments to crush that. That is the ugly of the Internet. Y’all are my friends—you know, I CARE!!! Sigh. I’m so sorry Jenn…
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Left Field =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    So true. And once that trust is broken, rebuilding it can take a long, long time. I guess that’s one of those big life lessons.

  • Beth says:

    Huh…this always happens, I take one day away from the internet, and miss something *sigh*…kind of glad I missed this one. I don’t know who or what to believe. Either way someone is lying, and that is just unacceptable, regardless. But I digress, my life is too complex to worry over what was said, & who lied, the baby is safe, that is all that matters. Thanks for posting this or I would have had no clue!
    .-= Beth´s last blog ..Adding a meta-tag to your Blogger blog =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I’m glad you missed this too. Last thing you need is more drama. Really, none of this matters in the bigger picture anyway.

  • Ashleigh says:

    I’m right there with you Jenn. I shared the “incident” with my husband, then when I showed him the video, I even said out loud “But why isn’t she on crutches if her knee is destroyed?”. I didn’t have the relationship with her that you did (not even close) but I still feel let down so I can only imagine how you feel. Not only has she completely ruined any credibility she had but she has made so many of us who were supporting her look naive and silly.

    Aside from commenting here, I’m not saying much on the matter. I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to.

    Jenn Reply:

    Thanks hon. I really do appreciate it.
    I think that’s where a lot of the anger has come from this. People hate to be made to look stupid. And a lot of them feel that they were. I know many people sent this, not only to their twitter followers, but offline to their friends and family. Then to have to say ‘Ooops’. Well. People don’t take that well at the best of times. You throw in the extra emotion of having a child supposedly involved and tempers flair.

  • Michele says:

    Jenn,

    I followed it on Friday when the RT’s started coming in and was horrified, RT’d it, read the post, RT’d it again, and was so angry I was shaking.

    I don’t even know her, but I’m a mom, and the very thought that something like that could happen if I flew with my kids scared me to death. We hear horror stories everyday about the security at the airport, so I bought the story. Why not? We know messed up stuff happens when people in charge go on a power trip, especially in the name of national security.

    It wasn’t until yesterday, when I did my daily fark.com check, that I found the response from TSA.

    I felt duped. And, I don’t know her like the rest, or many, of you do. I felt angry. Not because I feel duped, but because, now I wonder, if this is exaggerated or false, what happens the next time security at an airport does something in total violation of their own rules involving a mother and child. I have no doubt it will happen, I have no doubt it hasn’t already happened.

    You can only cry wolf so many times before no one cares, and I wonder what this story will do when people have a legitimate complaint against the airport security.

    I’m sorry that questions have been raised, especially for those of you that are her friends. You said that this is a situation where no one wins, and that’s the best, and truest statement there is here. No one, no matter the outcome, is going to win and nothing will be exactly the same.

    One last thing, though, something I read last night on Fark in the comments on her story said, “The Internet is a forgiving place; apologize for it over the weekend, and be forgotten by Monday.”

    I think that’s true. The Internet, and certainly the small group of people I “know” by following them on Twitter, are a forgiving group. All you have to do is ask.

    Jenn Reply:

    I think you bring up a legitimate concern. People might not be as willing to listen, retweet, or raise the alarm if something like this happens in the future, because this will have placed a seed of doubt in their minds.
    It’s very frustrating to think that something real might be over looked or swept under the rug as a result.

  • Heather says:

    I like your style & that is why I have an award for you on my blog~
    http://wwwtheadventuresofcrazymumcom.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-fucking-rockblog-award-numero-2.html
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..I fucking rock~blog award numero 2!! =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I said it on Twitter, but I’ll say it again here. Thank you. I’m so flattered you thought of me for this!

  • Colleen says:

    I guess the only thing I can say to you is that you were a true and honest friend and you can’t expect to do more or be more than that. You also can not help anyone who does not believe they need it, or if they know they need it, does not want it.

    There are many people like you out there, who are your real friends back. So I know this hurts you tremendously but hang in there a little longer and it will get better.

    Lots of love and support! (and a huge hug!)
    .-= Colleen´s last blog ..Friendship =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    Thank you for listening to me and being my sounding board these past few days. I appreciate it more than you could ever know. (hugs)

  • Avasmommy says:

    As always, you say it perfectly. I don’t know how this will all end, but it will be very hard to go back to the way things were before. I can tolerate a lot, and have done, but lying really isn’t one of those things. It destroys trust, and without that it’s really hard to have any kind of relationship. Plus I kinda feel like she left me hanging in the breeze. No “I’m sorry you got sucked into this, nothing.” Not really happy about being a part of it all, especially once F*rk got involved.

    Love and hugs to you, hon. As always.
    xoxoxoxo
    .-= Avasmommy´s last blog ..I Wish I Had Answers But All I Have is This Apology =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I don’t things ever can really return to how they were before. There are too many hurt feelings and anger around this. And that’s sad. I thought we had a great group of ladies going on and this has driven a wedge between people. I’m just really sorry you got dragged into the middle as a result of trying to support a friend. That wasn’t fair to you. (hugs)

  • PsychMamma says:

    I agree with what Colleen said above: “you were a true and honest friend and you can’t expect to do more or be more than that. You also can not help anyone who does not believe they need it, or if they know they need it, does not want it.” Absolutely.

    The whole thing is a huge, stinky mess. Not knowing who to trust sucks. Feeling betrayed and abandoned by a friend super-sucks.

    All of us are coming out of this a little more cynical, and hopefully, a little bit wiser too.

    I hate when you gain wisdom the hard way. Ugh.

    Many, many hugs to you, my friend.
    .-= PsychMamma´s last blog ..Embracing Holland =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I think it’s that ‘not knowing who to trust’ that is really going to affect everyone in this. People are going to over analyze and search for hidden meanings in everything for the next little while. I hope when this blows over we can start rebuilding the trust as a community

  • Issa says:

    Jenn, I think you are awesome. I thought it before and I’ll continue to think so. You stand up for what you believe, you don’t follow blindly and you are honest and I always appricitae that.

    I wish this were different. I wish the facts were different. Because losing a friend always sucks. But there is truth and there is fiction.

    I don’t like this. Any of it. It hurts. But I see the difference between the facts and the fiction.
    .-= Issa´s last blog ..Not so little anymore =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    Awwwww… Thanks Issa. You are too sweet for words.
    Yes, losing friends really does suck. Unfortunately it’s a part of growing. As things happen to change you, the friends that suit you may not be the same. That being said? This was a really crappy way to ruin a friendship that’s hurt so many people.

  • Lu ~ @masmom says:

    “It’s so hard when you want so badly to believe something and you can’t.”
    EXACTLY
    .-= Lu ~ @masmom´s last blog ..Follow Friday: My Girl Cara =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    *sigh* Part of me still hopes that might change. A very, very, very, small part of me. But that hope is still there that something might come to light to help me change my opinion.

  • Kristen says:

    When I woke up Saturday and saw the TSA’s blog post I totally kept thinking you had some inside scoop. I was sad that you didn’t. I’m not personally affected by this, although oddly a reply she @’ed at me has been on a couple blogs, but as a reader of her blog and a twitter friend I am sad over this. I can’t imagine what you and Jenna and the others who are closer to her feel. *big hugs*
    .-= Kristen´s last blog ..autumn =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I think everyone thought Sara and I would have the inside scoop. Unfortunately we were just as in the dark as everyone else. I’ve had the opportunity to email a bit with her today, but I still know no more than you do. She either can’t or won’t address certain key details. So…yeah. What do you do at that point?

  • melissa says:

    In being consumed with my own life, I missed all of what transpired this weekend. To say I’m in shock is an understatement. My heart goes out to you Jenn because the feelings I’m feeling about this whole situation cannot be anything compared to what you are experiencing. Nic has to be hurting but right now, I’m thinking about everyone else who’s followed along and without due clarification. I have a hard time with trust, but I trust,respect and admire your honesty and the sincerity in your writing.

    Jenn Reply:

    Lucky you for missing the drama. Seriously. It was ugly and awful. It brought out the worst in so many of us (myself included).
    I know Nic is hurting, but many of us have reached out to her only to be turned away. What can you do in a case like that? Not much.

  • Angi says:

    I<3 you. I think we're all a little stunned and hurt. But the mess is hers to clean up. I kept thinking about the Balloon Boy incident. And how strange it is to me that these two things happened so close together. Some of us will never understand why some people have to create their own drama. We'll never understand how living OUR OWN lives can't be good enough. But, the scary fact is, that they're out there, crying wolf…and we're left to decide whether we're going to trust and love those that we find, on the internet or IRL or if we're going to become cynics. I don't want to be a cynic…
    .-= Angi´s last blog ..Think Back Thursday ~ Remembering Grandma Birdie =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    Thanks Angi. Part of me want’s to say ‘Yes, she made her bed, let her lay in it’. But there is still a part of me, that, as her friend, want’s to help her fix this. That is the part that is hurting right now, because I know there’s nothing I can do.
    *sigh* But I so agree with you. I don’t want to live my life as a total cynic. I would rather put myself out there and have the opportunity to meet wonderful people like yourself.

  • Laura says:

    Jenn, I’m so sorry. You are such a great support to others. I greatly admire your ability to always know the right thing to say. This whole thing has been really sad and unfortunate.
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..What I Know For Sure =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    This made me laugh. I wish I really always knew the right thing to say. I can’t count the number of times I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth. And, especially in an emotional situation like this, I certainly haven’t been at my best.
    But you’re right. The whole this is terribly sad and unfortunate. It’ll be nice when those who thrive on drama move on to something new so the rest of us can start healing and rebuilding.

  • Elsie says:

    The hardest thing in the world to do is admit you’re wrong. The second hardest thing in the world to do is admit that you publically supported a loved one who is wrong, and who deceived you just as much as everyone else.

    Jenn, you have with class and elegance managed to do the latter, despite the obvious pain it has caused you. I wish you the absolute best. And as Colleen said, “you were a true and honest friend and you can’t expect to do more or be more than that.”

    Jenn Reply:

    Thank you so much for saying that.
    I really struggled with whether to post this at all. It’s a terrible thing to have to publicly say to a friend ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you’. It makes me feel awful. But I think it’s important for people to understand where I’m coming from and where I stand.

  • Smug Married says:

    Cheese and Crackers!! I have no idea what you guys are talking about and I wish that I had something nice to say to make you feel better, but I don’t. Hugs I guess!!

    Elsie Reply:

    @Smug Married, she’s referring to this:

    Original allegation:
    http://www.mybottlesup.com/tsa-agents-took-my-son/

    TSA Response:
    http://bit.ly/uIONT

    “Apology” from MyBottlesUp:
    http://www.mybottlesup.com/my-apologies/

    And if you go back to the TSA Response and scroll down past the first video, you’ll see their response to the insinuation that they doctored that video.

    Finally, you can see screencaps of the tweets from MyBottlesUp here:
    http://bit.ly/u9bGb

    It’s a difficult situation for everyone who’s friend with this lady and supported her when she made her allegations.

    Jenn Reply:

    @Smug Married,
    Consider yourself lucky. lol. This is one of those situations where ignorance really is bliss. It’s an emotional topic that everyone has gotten riled up about. And, unfortunately, there’s just really not a lot anyone can say.
    But I do appreciate the hugs and thoughts!

  • AmazingGreis says:

    Very well put! As caring individuals we want to trust and believe friends. Situations like this make it hard to do so. It’s always one apple that spoils the bunch and the same can be said about bloggers.

    It’s been a BIG mess this weekend, it’s unfortunate that so many people had to be dragged in to it.

    XOXO
    .-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..O who? Hook’em Horns!!! =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    It’s true. A lot of us are very caring, emotional, passionate people. That’s why we clicked with Nic. She is the same way.
    And perhaps that’s what makes it harder is we are so emotionally invested in each other. It’s difficult when you lose a huge member of your support team.

  • becky says:

    i think this was perfectly written. and it sucks and jenna is right…it’ll be hard to go back to normal after this. it makes you not want to trust anyone. you know? it just sucks. and you’re right…no one wins. so sad.
    .-= becky´s last blog ..Obsession =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    Yes. Sucks is about the best word for it, isn’t it? Your comment inspired the title of my giveaway post, today.
    Drama sucks, loss of trust sucks, and this whole situation just sucks.
    I’m glad I still have you to whine and bitch to, though ;-)

  • Devedander says:

    It’s great that someone so close to Nic has given their feelings on the whole thing and I acn only imagine how unpelasant this is for you…

    However I do beg the question why the advice to move on and live in ignorance simply because it’s is easier or nicer?

    Certainly it would have been easier and nicer to pretend the TSA never did anything wrong wback when it was assumed they did… but that wasn’t the advice then.

    Isn’t every lesson, painful as it may be, worth learning? I know it’s unpleasant that this one comes at the cost of a close relation to you, but surely had freinds and family of the TSA workes at th etime said it wa spainful to them, please let it blow over it would not have sat well…

    I guess wha tI am saying is it seems if ou are giong to be part of calling out a wrong when it’s (allegedly) done and call for transparency and righteousness on their part to teach a lesson, isn’t it only right to do the same even if the subject is closer to heart and not just an entity you can distance yourself from while addressing?

    This whole event has cast a shadow on the blogging community and social networking in so many ways… I think just like demands of the TSA to be upfront and honest about their mistakes, the blogging community should show it’s integrity and equally report, discuss and learn from wrongdoings from inside their walls as well…

    I am sure everyone would agree, double standards are not what the bogging community should be about creating.

    Jenn Reply:

    I don’t think I said anywhere in my post that we should move on.

    I think there are a lot of questions that need to be answered before this is ever laid to rest.

    And if you go and look at my twitter stream, you’ll see that was not part of calling out the TSA, despite Nic being my friend.

    I agree that it would be wonderful if all parties in this dispute were upfront and the full truth came to light. That doesn’t seem to be happening, though, and I can’t see it happening anytime soon. So, with that in mind, what would you suggest I do? Continue to call my friend out? To what end and for what purpose if it’s not going to change anything?

    No, I have said my piece on this, Nic knows how I feel about the topic, and as much as I would like resolution for everyone, I’m realistic enough to realize we don’t live in a Utopian society.

    Devedander Reply:

    @Jenn,

    -**If you have no idea what this post is about, trust me when I say you don’t want to. Just walk away and forget you ever read it**

    -Consider yourself lucky. lol. This is one of those situations where ignorance really is bliss.

    -Really, none of this matters in the bigger picture anyway.

    Maybe I read it wrong but i take those as dismissive suggestions.

    As for what might happen soon and continuing to call a friend hout? Well, if the TSA hadn’t responded and put up their standard stone walling how long would you have continued to press the issue?

    Don’t take it wrong, it’s not a personal ttack on you, just a general statement towards bloggers and social informtion spreaders everywhere.

    Devedander Reply:

    Oh and BTW I don’t konw i fyou control it, but when posting a comment yoru blog says “Comment being submitted please wait a COMMENT” Typo :)

    Jenn Reply:

    Those comments are meant towards friends referencing the drama involved.

    And I stand by the last one. One of my good friends has a daughter who’s battling brain cancer. Compared to that, does it really matter if some blogger somewhere lied about something. Not really. In the grand scheme of things, this is drama, and not a earth shattering topic.

    And, again, I never did attack the TSA. So, again, (since this is my personal blog), what purpose would calling out Nic repeatedly serve? Do I think we should just walk away from this and forget it ever happened? Even if that is what I wanted, it would be impossible to do.

    I think if any lesson should come from this it’s due diligence, on the part of bloggers and the media. If bloggers want journalistic respect then we have to be willing to do the research to verify information before reporting it.

    I guess, my question to you would be – what would make you happy in this situation? Knowing that Nic is not going to say anything further and the TSA has said their part, what is left to do?

    Devedander Reply:

    @Jenn, Well I don’t know that Nic isn’t going to say anything… I know she hasn’t for a few days but that doesn’t mean she won’t ever. But probably like many were doing towards the TSA I would remind everyone it’s important to not let important things go like false accusations that could endager the jobs and well being of innocent people and cause distrust and anger towards an organization that (effective or not) needs our cooperation to do what they can for security. And as her friend I would probably continue to push for the right thing to be done… be vigilant that she bring resolution and closure to this event and do respond.

    I think your message about due diligence is an excellent one and I am glad you would be a proponent of it. But I also think it’s not the only one so wouldn’t write it off as enough to do just that.

    As for what would make me happy? Well to go back and undo all this, but that’s not possible. So I guess the next best thing to ask is what would have made you/us happy if the TSA had indeed made this trespass on Nic? I think the answer is to not try and hasten the passing of the occurance to make things easier at the cost of obtaining it’s proper closure.

    Nothing more might ever come from Nic on this… but I don’t think a few days is really long enough to just wrap it up… as I said, bloggers need to show integrity by approaching situations where their own are at fault in the same manner and with the same tanacity that they did when it was someone else at fault, whatever that may mean to you personally.

    Jenn Reply:

    You are making a huge assumption that because I haven’t blogged anything further, I’ve let this drop. Just because I’m not posting every little thing I do, doesn’t mean haven’t spoken to Nic asking for clarity on the situation, or talked with other people about the issues this has raised.

    I don’t feel the need to dwell on this drama, though, anymore than I care about ‘balloon boy’.

    Because this is no longer about he said / she said / they said. This has morphed into the need to sustain the drama.

    Not everything in life gets tidied up into nice neat packages. Life is not black and white.

  • Devedander says:

    BTW sorry for all the mispellings and typos… in my browser for some reason the comment box is VERY unresponsive so it was hard to catch and fix things.

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