The Voice of Unpopular Opinion

I am the voice of unpopular opinion lately.  I don’t do it to be difficult.  I just genuinely have a different view of the world.

Whoopi’s ‘rape-rape’ comment has brought out strong reactions in people.  I get that.  It’s an emotional topic.  I stand by my opinion that she was merely clarifying the charge and the fact that Roman Polanski was convicted of “unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor” and not “statutory rape”.  I don’t think she was defending him or saying he shouldn’t be charged.  And please don’t leave me comments that ‘rape is rape’.  Trust me I’m clear on that.  If you’re angry about the distinction between the two charges then talk to your government and find out what you need to do to change the laws so that any sort of rape is prosecuted as such rather than being bargained down to lesser charges.

And quite frankly, even if you do believe Whoopi was defending RP, she is one woman with one opinion.  I don’t base my entire belief system on what one person says.  And I’m also not going to start a hate campaign every time I disagree with someones opinion.

I will not be sharing my survivor story.  When I say it doesn’t define my life, I mean it.  I have dealt with those demons long ago and they have no place in my current life.  Suffice to say I am a survivor, so please do leave me comments saying “you don’t understand what it’s like”.  I do.  And I was only 8 the first time something happened, so I get it in spades.  Details are irrelevant.  I Do NOT Let Them Define Me.  Period.  (and this will be the first time that Bil, who has known me for 13yrs,  will be hearing anything about this – that is the extent to which I don’t let it rule my life – so I’m sorry you’re reading about this here honey.  We can talk about it when you get home if you feel it’s necessary)

There’s also the Nestle drama going on.  I will not be joining the boycott.  If you feel it’s necessary, then, by all means, have at it.  But then I would encourage you to look at the practices of every corporation from which you purchase from, rather than picking one that just happens to be in the spotlight.   I’m not defending Nestle or their practices.  The fact is, their soy formula is the ONLY milk product V can take right now.  (Yes, my daughter is 2 and a half and still on formula.  Yes we are working with doctors, allergists, and nutritionists.  That is a topic for a whole other post).  I’m not going to jeopardize my daughter’s health for some corporate brouhaha.

Companies engage in all sort of … interesting… practices no matter what their area of business.  If you think otherwise, you’re fooling yourself.  I was on a project once, back in my corporate days, where we had strict instructions not to discuss the project in emails, notes were to be destroyed as soon as possible, and we were not allowed to discuss it using cell phones.  That is corporate America.  It happens in the most benign of companies.  THAT is reality.

My other big beef with all of this is – before you go trying to solve all the problems of the third world countries, why don’t you start in your own backyard?  You think that children aren’t dying of starvation in North America?  Wake up.  Need some proof?  Go take a look at these photo’s by Rafal Wegiel of children waiting, bundled up, in a snow storm, just to get some food.  Homelessness has taken on epic proportions with the downturn in the market.  Why is it easier to help some faceless child in Ethiopia then your own neighbor?  Bil and I refuse to sign up for any of those ‘sponsor a child’ organizations.  Instead, all the money we would put towards that, we put towards donations to our local food banks and shelters and to supporting our neighbors and friends when they need help.

Lets start solving our own problems, our own issues, dealing with our own demons, before we start worrying about what everyone else is doing.

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43 Responses to The Voice of Unpopular Opinion

  • Well I am with you one for two here. The Nestle boycott is way over the top. I get that people think what they are doing is wrong. By giving 3rd world countries, stricken with AIDS and malnutrition, access to free formula in the hospital but not after, is killing babies. I disagree. Living in 3rd world nations is killing babies. Other formula companies do the same thing here (US). And many parents cant afford the formula after.

    As for Whoopi and RP. He was actually charged with a horrifying laundry list of charges, but was able to get a plea deal in order to save the victim from having to go through a trial. I am not sure why Whoopi felt the need to defend him period. He was arrested because he was a fugitive. Plain and simple, he ran from the law and was never sentenced to the jail time he should have served. The term ” rape, rape” is sad to me. All rape is rape. If the bastard did that in this time period he would be charged with child molestation, sexual abuse of a child, ect. To me there is NO reason to defend him.

    Jenn Reply:

    Jenni, I don’t think Whoopi was defending him. She was clarifying charges because other people on the show kept referring to it as rape charges. Should they have been rape charges? YES! But they weren’t. Like you said, he got a plea deal for a lesser charge. All she was doing was pointing that out.

  • Laura says:

    All I can say is you took the words right out of my mouth. I have the same issues, started when i was 6, stopped when I about 11 and my dad came back from over seas. To this day, my father still knows nothing about it. However, like you, I do not let it rule my life. My husband knows of it, but no details, as he never will. It over and in the past.
    As for Whoopi, I personally don’t care for her in the first place, but, I do agree with you. I watched the video and I don’t think she was condoning what he did at all, just explaining the difference in charges and why some people were so upset that it was raised to a higher charge, etc. We all know what he did was wrong no matter what anyone labels it.
    As for the whole nestle Drama, I can say that I have ignored all blogs, twits, etc that have been written. Again, like you said, it’s just drama and a way for someone to make things bigger than they are. They are a big company and not everyone is going to agree with everything.

    I myself live in the US, I see the commercials all the time for “sponsor a child for a $1 a day”, but who helps us out here when we need it. The food banks don’t have food to help the ones that need it because funding goes out of our country, and so on and so forth. We have plenty of homeless, insurance-less, food-less people here to help. Why not start there. We do the same thing you do, we donate to out church, which gives to homeless shelters, I donate other things to the woman & children shelter, and we do food drives all the time.

    I am so glad you write how you honestly feel no matter what. Please keep it up.
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..Potty Training….HELP! =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    Thank you for your comment Laura. I always appreciate your support. (hugs)

  • agentninty9 says:

    I watched the Whoopi footage as objectively as I possibly could and tried to understand what she was getting at. Really. What *I* heard though was a series of comments that minimized what he did. “We’re a different kind of society. We see things differently. The world sees 13 year olds and 14 year olds in the rest of Europe… not everybody agrees with the way we see things…”

    What makes me angry is that Whoopi was clarifying his conviction. His conviction was plea bargained. Justice can be cruel. In my opinion, he’s a predator. In my opinion Whoopi defended him. And that is what makes me mad. I won’t judge her life’s work on this one opinion, but I can’t get her comments out of my head.
    .-= agentninty9´s last blog ..I Wasn’t Raped Once. =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    But it wasn’t Whoopi’s fault he was plea bargained. Perhaps your anger is misplaced. Be angry with the court system then.
    And it is Whoopi’s job to clarify charges like that. When you’re saying things like that on national television, you need to be damn sure you have your facts straight, otherwise you’re risking a libel suit.

    agentninety9 Reply:

    @Jenn, I totally understand what you’re getting at. You’re right, it’s NOT Whoopi’s fault that he was plea bargained. I’m not slagging her for that. I am in communications and I know it is her job to be clear on facts. It’s also her job to offer her opinions – it’s a talk show, not news. I’m incensed with the justice system that let Polanski’s victim down but that anger isn’t misplaced on W.G. Not at all. I have watched that footage several times hoping I was just hearing with my heart, but over and over again, I hear her defending HIM and not his conviction.
    .-= agentninety9´s last blog ..I Wasn’t Raped Once. =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I understand. This is a very emotional topic and our previous experiences and where we are in life are going to change what we take out of an experience, whether that’s watching a show or talking with someone.

  • becky says:

    i actually really agree with your take care of things in your own backyard first. you GO girl. xoxoxo
    .-= becky´s last blog ..I think I’m crazy =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    *smooches* Loves ya

  • Beth says:

    Thank you for this. I’ve been deeply conflicted by the RP mess and, specifically, the hate on Whoopi campaign. She went about it in a ham-handed way, but I think she was trying to do the right thing for the show and the lawyers. I’m not sure that we should throw out a lifetime of good stuff, in Whoopi’s case, for a ham-handed comment that she’s since clarified.

    I’m conflicted about the RP case in general because the victim wants to be able to do what you’ve done — not let this case define her life — and yet people keep publicizing what happened to her and repeating the details as if they own them. They don’t. This is her story and she should get to define the terms by which she wants it discussed.

    I’m not getting into the should they have done what they did, should they be trying to extradite him mess. That’s for better legal minds than mine, but I do believe that every survivor has the right to decide when and how her (or his) story is to be told and she’s basically being denied that in the name of advocacy. And I feel very uncomfortable with that.

    Jenn Reply:

    You make a good point about what the victim in this wants.

    And part of me wonders if this would have even been pursued if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s someone famous. I’m not defending what he did. I do think he deserves to be charged. But, if this was an every day person, I don’t think the effort would have been made to extradite after he fled the country.

  • Avasmommy says:

    Victim’s feelngs aside, if someone commits the crime of rape, and I’m going to call it what it is, it’s rape, that person should be prosecuted. So what if the victim has forgiven him and moved on with her life? I mean, that’s great for her, but that does not mean that he should be free to do it again. A pedophile does not stop being a pedophile. And someone who has sex with a 13 year old child is a pedophile. And a rapist.

    I didn’t see Whoopie’s clips. I only got my information from news, blogs, etc. But by bringing in the comments about other countries and their views of sex with 13 & 14 year olds, I do think she was trying to minimize what he’s done. Even with the age issue aside, he drugged someone and had sex with them. At any age, that is a crime. Legally. Morally. Wrong.

    All that aside, I agree with you 100% about Nestle. We tried so many formulas for Ava, and Nestle’s Good Start is the only formula that does not give her serious gastrointestinal issues. Like you, I’m not about to put my daughter in paid just to be politically correct.

    Oh, and amen about cleaning up your own backyard first. Here in OR we have a serious problem with meth that has torn apart many families and put children in harms way. I try to do my part for local foster kids through donations, supplies, clothes, shoes, etc.
    .-= Avasmommy´s last blog ..Almost Wordless Wednesday =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I agree that what he did was rape. He should be drawn and quartered. And, yes, he is a pedophile.

    The only comment I was addressing was the ‘rape – rape’ comment she made. Me and you talking, call it what you want, and we choose to call it rape. When you’re talking on national television, the same rules don’t apply. You can’t call it rape because you think it is, if that’s not what he was convicted of, otherwise lawsuits ensue.

  • melissa says:

    I think they should get rid of that Hasselback girl and totally put you on The View

    Jenn Reply:

    Bwahahahaha! OMG, you’re so funny. If they did that, there’d be a shit storm like this after every show over something *I* said. lol.

  • Chantel says:

    Jenn, I like that you don’t follow the crowd. You speak your mind. You don’t waiver for anyone. I admire that about you.

    I very much agree that we should look in our own backyard and in our own Country and reach out to help. I can appreciate and understand the want and need for Global Outreach. What I don’t understand is the neglect of our fellow Americans. Where is the balance?

    I don’t know what that Nestle thing is all about it. My daughter had to drink Good Start Soy Milk. I think that was by Carnation which I think is a Nestle brand. But shoot, that was almost 7 years ago. I don’t remember. As a parent you have to do what is best for your child.

    If we have to Boycott every bad company/organization we’d all be eating water (from the tap) and saltine crackers (generic brand).

    Anyhoo, keep on keeping on Jenn. I love to read your take on different situations. :)

    Jenn Reply:

    Thanks girl. And lol about the tap water and saltines. Too true!!

  • very well written my friend. you know where i stand… nevertheless, very well written.
    .-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..conversation via twitter with sherri shepherd =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I know where you stand and respect your opinions. (and appreciate you not tearing me a new one for mine *grin*)

    Loves

  • Kate says:

    Jenn, I’ve been struggling a lot lately with feeling like I have an “unpopular” point of view, but am too much of a wimp to put it out there. In fact, I have been having trouble putting anything out there (as tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I updated my blog).

    So way to go for having the balls to say what you feel, even if it’s not the popular opinion. I think that’s one of the reasons I like you so much.

    And, as for these two divisive topics, I can say this:
    Nestle- I concur with you on this one. While I find their practices abhorrent, I cannot boycott them while continuing to shop at places like Walmart, drink coffee at places like Starbucks, and buy products like Kraft.

    Roman Polanski – I am going to say that as of right now, I can’t form an opinion since I haven’t yet informed myself about the situation.

    Again, thanks for having enough balls for both of us.

    Kate
    .-= Kate´s last blog ..France Fridays – French Food Porn =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I totally respect you for not going with the flow (one way or the other). I see a lot of people jumping on the bandwagon, blatantly saying “I didn’t watch the video, but down with Whoopi!” I wish more people would take the time to educate themselves and form their own opinions. Even if I don’t agree with that opinion, I can respect it.

  • Amanda says:

    Amen!! Thank god someone else agrees with my thoughts!

    The Nestle thing – I’m with you. Start in your own backyard. Gather up a canned milk drive and send it to a third world countries – TONS and I mean TONS of churches to mission trips to third world countries every year. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind getting some formula to the women that need it.

    But that said – why don’t people consider sending it a Mission Shelter or a Childrens Shelter? If you want to stop children from being hungry then *this* is a great place to start. My point is this: if it makes you crazy then DO something. Sitting around twittering isn’t going to change the situation.
    PLUS I’ve never heard of a malnourished woman being able to PROVIDE milk, let alone have it be the quality needed to sustain a woman. Just because you CAN breastfeed it doesn’t mean that you SHOULD.

    Ahh the rape thing. Polanski got a better deal that some because he had the money to get the best lawyer he could get. Here’s the best question of all: why on earth was a 13 yr old even there? Where was her mom and dad? Were they there? I’m getting tired of everyone eliminating any fault that they might have had because they didn’t take the time to spend time with their children helping them become the best that they can be. Bad parenting = Bad decisions.

    Of course, this is just my opinion.
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..Doctor Visits From Hell =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    OMG, YES!! That was one of the first things out of my mouth. Where the hell were this girls parents. And if they allowed her to be there, then what the hell is wrong with them. I couldn’t agree with you more that hands on parenting makes a huge difference in kids lives.

  • Lisa says:

    Kudos for not following the crowd. Personally I think Whoopi should have just left it alone and not gone on and on about clarifying the charges.

    As for the Nestle boycott thing, I’m totally with you. My daughter was breastfed and didn’t use formula but I have friends whose babies were breastfed and Nestle was the only one that they could use. I don’t think a boycott is going to do a damn thing. An open dialogue would go much further I think.

    Amen for helping your neighbors first. I think people focus on third world countries because it allows them the pretend it is happening somewhere else and not in their own backyard.
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Singing In The Rain =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    You’re right, Lisa. I think she muddied the waters and caused further controversy by her later comments. Sometimes we just need to learn when to shut up

  • Lu says:

    Thank you for writing this. I have been too into myself lately to voice my opinions in a good, understandable way.
    I honestly feel the same way about the Whoopi thing. I COMPLETELY understand the way others feel about it too. However I do beleive it was her way, all be it stupid, of trying to keep the facts straight. Ok enough of that.
    Moving on… I cannot tell you how nice it is to hear someone else say what I have been saying all my life. WHY are we going to 3rd world countries when cities in America are living like 3rd world countries. Never made sense to me.
    I think the ugliness and hate between bloggers about going or not going on the funded trip was REDONKULOUS!!! Grow up. Women like that are why I don’t have a lot of women friends.
    .-= Lu´s last blog ..The days after the funeral and cleaning out my parent’s house. =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I wonder myself how much of it stems from jealousy. ‘Why did that blogger get picked to go on this trip and I didn’t?’ I see that way too often. Time to grow up people. We’re not in elementary school anymore.

    I’m the same as you, though, Lu. There’s a reason I don’t have a ton of women friends. And it’s spelled D.R.A.M.A.

  • Cara says:

    I don’t have anything to add. You said it & you said it well. Thanks, Jenn, for always putting it out there, regardless of what kind of shitstorm may brew once the publish button has been hit.

    Jenn Reply:

    lol. I don’t know if it’s putting it out there as much as not being smart enough to hit the delete key sometimes.

  • Beth says:

    I like your unpopular voice. Kudos for sharing. Is it bad that I don’t give a shit about what Whoopi said or Nestle? (didn’t even know about that btw)

    My brilliant idea is that we stop making happy meal toys and instead donate all that $ to starving American’s, I completely agree with you on that!
    .-= Beth´s last blog ..The Witching Month =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    I would seriously think you had lost the plot if you did give a rats ass about the whining and bickering going on around the interwebs. What you and your family are going through is just proof that in the big pictures, none of this matters.

    And I think your idea is positively brilliant (as long as it’s money that’s donated to the poor and starving and not more happy meals. lol)

  • Amy says:

    totally agree across the board

  • Colleen says:

    @Jenn, Great post Jenn. Honestly, I stayed away from Twitter a lot this week because I really didn’t have anything to contribute to any of the conversations. I don’t know enough about any of them really either so I’m not going to make an opinion half informed.

    It’s very easy to take things out of context and start a riot. It’s very easy to form an opinion and keep it.
    It’s very easy to judge others.

    It’s not easy to listen to every side of an argument.
    It’s not easy to grow and change your opinion and admit you may have originally been wrong.
    It’s not easy to treat others as human beings first when all of humanity is caught up in rat race of superiority, self-righteousness and entitlement.

    People in glass houses should not throw stones.

    I am often a dissenting voice in conversations. Unless I’m really close with someone I rarely argue anymore. I have been burned so many times by people taking my arguments out of context and vilifying me for being different. I find it better to just listen. Listening gives me the chance to solidify my opinion, be that keeping my original stance or growing. I like to keep perspective. I am not afraid to offer my opinion AT ALL. But why waste my breath on others who are not willing to listen and only expect me to nod and agree with them. That only irritates me and I have more important things to do and people to care for and engage. So I move on.

    I sound like a total bitch so I apologize. I carry a lot of battle scars close to my heart. I am guilty of judging and being opinionated. I just am trying to do better because I have two little boys I am setting an example for now.

    Jenn Reply:

    And this is why I adore you. It’s one of the things I need to learn how to do better. I need to learn when to keep my peace, shut my mouth, and turn the other cheek. I don’t do any of those very well (as you can tell by this post *grin*), but I need to remind myself to make more of an effort.

    Colleen Reply:

    Unfortunately there is a price to pay when you learn to keep your mouth shut and it’s a feeling like you aren’t being true to yourself. I’ve struggled with this because one thing I pride myself on is having integrity. But I have learned that it’s a curved, kinda fuzzy line and not at all straight and black vs white. Besides part of my integrity is also a desire to grow and learn and become a better person.

    I think your post was awesome. It was well written and thoughtful and you had plenty of disclaimers too. To me that is an awesome effort for keeping perspective and trying to be respectful at the same time. I don’t think you have anything to worry about at all.
    .-= Colleen´s last blog ..Smelling Things =-.

    Colleen Reply:

    One more thing b/c I’m on a soap box now…

    People often judge dissenting view points as radical, awful, strange, socially inept, BAD. But let me just say that the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA was FOUNDED by people of dissenting opinions and LOOK at ALL the GOOD that has come from those people having different opinions and beliefs.

    (deep breath)

    (yes, a lot of bad comes from dissenting opinions too, you know I do read my history books… but… just sayin’)

    Ok I just had to write that somewhere else. :) Not shouting at you specifically… i just get fired up over this topic. :)
    .-= Colleen´s last blog ..Smelling Things =-.

  • The Nestle boycott has been something that has been going on for a LOOOOONG time. I’ve been too off the grid to figure out why it has sprung up again now, but I don’t take part in it. People should also really look into what they are actually boycotting. Nestle has their hands in food, formula, soap, shampoo, bottled water…you wouldn’t believe the list.

    J is also on Good Start Soy and I’ll be damned if I change it.

    I also agree with you on the Whoopi thing. As a television personality, you have to be sure to cover your ass for legal reasons. I really think she was trying to ensure that people were aware of the difference between what he was convicted of, and what people were saying.

    I also have a survivor story. I also choose not to go there. I have come to terms with it, and put it on a shelf. It is always there, but it is dusty and I have NO WISH to undust it and put it in the spot light. None. At. All. If I did for some reason decided to share, it would be as an anon post and it would be simply to help others doing through it. So they could see that you CAN. It doesn’t matter who I am…only that I DID.

    Loves you mamacita.
    .-= ali (adil320)´s last blog ..Follow Friday =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    Oh Ali, I love that line. “It doesn’t matter who I am… only that I DID”. That is an testament to the awesomeness that is you.

    ali (adil320) Reply:

    @Jenn,

    *smooches, my sexy canadian.”
    .-= ali (adil320)´s last blog ..Follow Friday =-.

  • You’ve got some interesting points, and aside from the “rape rape” bit, I do agree with you. I haven’t read about or bothered with the Nestle drama -big corporations are big corporations, they suck, they are prone to corruption and shitty practices, and while I think it blows, I think that those boycotting do need to consider what you say – what about the other companies you purchase from? What don’t you know about their business practices? Though I do believe that if you want to boycott, have at it, because learning about these kinds of practices and getting exposure out there will only help to move things along and effect some change, eventually. No good if we never talk about it.

    As for homelessness and third world countries… I’ve got to agree. I feel terrible for the children all over the world who don’t have what they need. I feel so, so fortunate that my children DO have what they need, more than what they need. But the people living next door to us might not. Local charities – charities helping families in America – is where we need to start. We need to heal our country before we heal another.
    .-= MommyGeekology´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – Jump on Over =-.

  • I agree with this, all of this, 100%. I can understand being upset and impassioned, but I think some people just look for controversy and revel in it.
    .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..For Our Next Study, Does Peanut Butter Go Well with Jelly? =-.

  • Becky says:

    I will be honest and say that I stopped reading at the Nestle’ paragraph so I could leave this comment.

    The Nestle’ boycott is not new. Not even close. 35 years ago, my parents boycotted Mestle’ because they were sending powdered baby formula to third world countries who didn’t have a clean water supply if they had water at all, and their ‘charity’ wasn’t charity at all.

    35 years later, Nestle’ is still in business, and the boycott continues. I’m not saying boycotts are not effective, but this is just a new round of the same thing. It hasn’t made much of an impact on Nestle in 35 years, I suspect it will make much difference now.

    So, I guess I’m joining you in voicing the unpopular opinion.
    .-= Becky´s last blog ..The Birthday that went uncelebrated =-.

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