So You’re Not In The Popular Crowd

Quite frankly, get over it. Really.

I just read a post lamenting the fact some big name blogger doesn’t respond to her and wont mentor her.

I am hearing and seeing this attitude more and more.

An expectation of ‘I read your blog and comment and I tweeted you so now you must pay attention to me dammit!’

Um, no. Hate to break it to you, but that’s not how life works.

I don’t follow everyone who follows me. Not because I’m a bitch (I am, but that’s not why). Not because I think I’m bigger / better / more important. I don’t. I comes down to two very simple things.

  1. Interest.  Are you saying something that interests me?  If you’re not, then you’re just noise in my twitter stream and blog reader and I don’t bother.  This directly feeds into my second point.
  2. Time.  There are only so many hours in a day.  I would LOVE to spend all day reading blogs and responding on twitter, but I don’t have the time.  I have a 2yr old that needs to be paid attention to, fed, loved, taken places.  I have animals that need to be cared for.  I have a house that needs to be looked after.  I have a husband that I like to spend time with once in a blue moon.  I have business deadlines.  So, all that stuff needs to be balanced.

I do love getting comments on my blogs and on twitter.  The day I stop loving it is the day I will stop blogging.  And when I have the time, I try to go through and respond to every single one to let people know how much I appreciate them.  But there are days where that’s just not possible.  I run out of hours and steam and have to sleep at some point (why do I feel like I should apologize for that??)

iStock 000006428830XSmall 300x199 So Youre Not In The Popular CrowdAnd that’s just me.  When you look at bloggers and tweeters who have thousands and hundreds of thousands of followers, it’s not realistic to expect them to possibly have the time to respond to each and everyone.  When your time is finite you’re going to respond to those people you have established relationships first.  That’s just natural.

And yes, there are blogging cliques and twitter cliques.  I’m guilty of this.  I have a group of people I gravitate to, because we share common interests and personalities.  Cliques exist in real life.  In a perfect world they wouldn’t, but this isn’t a perfect world.  It’s reality.

So rather than going on about how ‘so and so’ won’t talk to me, focus on people who will.  Build relationships with them.    Those people will recommend you to their friends.  Those friends will recommend you to their friends.  And eventually you may find yourself having dinner with that one person who was at one time out of reach.

Never underestimate the power of word-of-mouth.  I’ve made amazing friends and connections from people who were recommended to me.  I’ve also been able to network with some great people after being recommended by a mutual friend.

But if you’re only focused on climbing the popularity ladder, being an attention whore, and using people for what they can do for you, you’re going to find a lot of doors closed to you.  People talk.  Remember that.

If I can give people starting out any advice it would be the words of my very brilliant friend Colleen:  “Instead of trying so hard,  just be yourself.”

So, instead of sending emails, requests, comments, tweets to the biggest name bloggers, find people that you can build relationships with.  People you have things in common with.  People who like you for you.  The rest? Will come… all in good time.

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    61 Responses to So You’re Not In The Popular Crowd

    • Sara Broers says:

      Nice, honest post. Great advice- BE YOURSELF!
      .-= Sara Broers´s last blog ..So, you think you are having a bad day? =-.

    • Laura says:

      You are a wise woman.
      .-= Laura´s last blog ..Five Seconds of Fantastic =-.

    • Bridget says:

      I don’t get this either. And I actually just unfollowed a bunch of people because we just weren’t interacting at all. Seems pointless to have you in my Twitter stream if there’s no chance we’re going to talk(whether you’re “famous” or not).

      As far as interacting with the “famous” bloggers? I can’t even keep up responding to the tweets and comments I get on my teeny-tiny little blog. I don’t ever expect a reply when I comment.
      .-= Bridget´s last blog ..218 =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Bridget, I do the same thing. I periodically go through and clean out my twitter followers of people I just don’t really feel I’m interacting with. I much prefer to build relationships with people.

    • Diane says:

      AMEN to that.
      .-= Diane´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – Fictional Five (Honorable mentions edition) =-.

    • Tricia (irishsamom) says:

      Wow, your posts are always so well written, on target and honest. I LOVE that. But, this is all news to me. I had no idea that people should tweet you back when you tweet them, comment on your blog when you comment on theirs and basically have a tit for tat attitude? Where have I been? (Then again, don’t answer that?, LOL).

      I, like you lead an incredibly full and (too) busy life and enjoy being on twitter at down times, because of the immediacy of a conversation, the answer to a question immediately on asking it (don’t know anywhere else that I get that!) and the connections that I’ve made with like-minded and sometimes not so like-minded people. I find it interesting to simply read some people’s tweets because they are funny or interesting, but never feel obliged to respond unless I want to and would never expect that from anyone else either. I really am surprised to find out that this is how it works.

      Regarding blogging, I blog for one reason. To let my family (who all live thousands of miles away) see pictures of my children sometimes or read about their lives; to vent about things that are bothering me or life changes that are painful, and to WRITE, because it’s something I love to do. Mostly, I blog because I enjoy it and that’s the bottom line. I don’t even have ads on my blog, so it’s not a business. I have been so lucky to have met some incredible people through my blog and Twitter and that’s a complete bonus. I have never been to BlogHer, don’t know who the “big name” bloggers are (didn’t even know they existed really) and simply enjoy the social aspect of sharing and sometimes helping others through my own thoughts.

      Thanks for this post. Educational for me. And just so ya know, I LOVE reading your blog. (for reals). xxxx ;)
      Tricia

      Jenn Reply:

      @Tricia

      And this is exactly why I follow and love you. You are in it for the friendship not the ‘I want to make some money’ aspect. You are always so incredibly loving and caring. I’m so glad on the days I get to chat with you.

    • Heather says:

      All I did was ask you to follow me back?! BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA
      Love ya! xoxox
      .-= Heather´s last blog ..The Thing About It… =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Heather, LMAO
      Dude, you are teh awesme.
      I loves ya right back.

    • Jen says:

      If only everyone could be this logical…

    • Vixen says:

      So when you talk back to me I am cool? Is that what you were trying to say????

      (and you know I said that with love in my heart and sarcasm in my head, right? hee hee)
      .-= Vixen´s last blog ..WW~God Bless Our Veterans =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Vixen,

      BWAHAHAHA… that would only apply if *I* was cool in the first place.

      Vixen Reply:

      @Jenn, Wait…your not cool? Then why the hell did I start following you in the first place?

      Oh I remember now, it was that awesome Canadian ‘eh’ you kept throwing around at BlogHerAtHome. I can’t live without it.
      .-= Vixen´s last blog ..WW~God Bless Our Veterans =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Vixen,

      I don’t know what you’re talking about, eh.

      Now where’s my Celtic Crossing? ;-)

    • punkinmama says:

      Hear, hear! Bravo!

      If everyone were just so logical, the world, and twitter, would be a better place!
      .-= punkinmama´s last blog ..sunday reflection =-.

    • Kate says:

      Jen, you have a great way of saying things. To the point and no bullshit. That is only one of the many things I love about you.
      .-= Kate´s last blog ..Planning My Handmade Christmas =-.

    • Kate says:

      Aaannnd I spelled your name wrong. Am an ass.
      .-= Kate´s last blog ..Planning My Handmade Christmas =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Kate,
      Dude, at least you noticed. My own father has been spelling it wrong for 30years.

      So 29 years from now if you’re still doing it, I might start to get irritated.

      Loves you

    • I read that post, and I agree with you. Honestly, I was a little surprised, b/c from waaaaay down here on the blogger totem pole, the author was one I considered “higher-up”
      It’s all about perspective I think….maybe.
      .-= thepsychobabble´s last blog ..Where I am From =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @thepsychobabble,

      I agree. That’s part of the reason the post surprised me. But I guess it’s all about degree’s of ‘higher up’

      Colleen Reply:

      @thepsychobabble,

      I totally agree with you regarding perception and perspective. Great, great comment!!!
      .-= Colleen´s last blog ..Fictional Five =-.

    • mel says:

      I saw a tweet about this and thought the same thing. I can’t imagine how some bloggers have time to keep up considering we all have pretty busy lives, even sahm’s. Cuz that’s an even harder job. I @ people who I either care for, say something that interests me or that is looking for opinions on things I’m I have a thought on. There are a handfulIreally respect or feel connected to. I’m into making true friends not necessarily “connections” cuz to be honest the blogging world intimidates me sometimes. Even though I have a handful of blogs I faithfully read or tweets I follow, I don’t always comment because I forget or don’t have anything valuable to add or helpful to say. So I couldn’t imagine this is easy for someone with 100 readers or especially those with 3000. *End rambling*

      Jenn Reply:

      @mel,

      I think that’s the key, though. By taking the time to build the relationships, like you do, you end up building the most valuable type of connections at the same time.

      And I do the same thing. There are tons of blogs I read that I don’t comment on because I don’t feel like I have anything really profound to say.

    • Maria says:

      It’s all about finding your tribe and loving your friends.

      I couldn’t agree with this post more. It seems so time-wasty and gross to lament being ignored or worse — to try to paint some sort of bitchy sinister motive on another individual’s supposed-ignoring.

      It also makes me uncomfortable to see people feeding into others’ insecurities by drumming up an us against them type dynamic THAT DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST.

      There is no one popular crowd. Even big folks like the heads of [insert community/website/whatever] don’t sit around magical tea parties talking shit about peon bloggers.

      And if anyone thinks they’re part of THE crowd, they should attend an event like BlogHer to see the beautiful diversity of this “community.” We’re all just people with blogs doing stuff on the internet. Some people are “famous” and usually for a good reason. Sometimes for head-scratchy reasons (and hello, if you don’t like ‘em don’t read ‘em.) Even for someone who isn’t actually famous, it isn’t always easy to tell the difference between a nice comment and a potential friend and someone who you are fundamentally not going to mesh with for one reason and another.

      We are not all going to get along.
      .-= Maria´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – List of Five (Fictional Character Edition) =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Maria,

      “..finding your tribe” I like that. Much better and inclusive than clique. And I think very true. I have found the ‘groups’ I see in blogging and twitter are very dynamic. Constantly changing and fluctuating with new people.

      And, you’re right. That was the point I was attempting to make but you’ve put it much more succinctly. This ‘us vs them’, being ‘ignored’, etc. It’s being made out to be something malicious when there’s nothing of the sort.

      I guess maybe I’ve just been lucky. I’ve found people approachable and welcoming. But then, I don’t have the expectation that people who get a thousand responses an hour are going to come find my blog, especially when they’ve never even met me.

    • GREAT POST!!! I think a lot of people forget that the “big” bloggers are people too. People who have busy lives and who don’t have an endless amount of time to reach out to every single person who’s hoping for a brush with their fame.

      I think you should be in blogging because you love it. You should comment because you have something to say, not because you’re hoping to get something out of it.

      Commenting/tweeting with your hand out is just begging to have it slapped away.
      .-= Parsing Nonsense´s last blog ..My Fictional Five =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Parsing Nonsense,

      What a good point. I think many people do put the big bloggers up on such a high pedestal they forget they’re people with lives and other commitments outside of the internet.

    • marymac says:

      Well I appreciate you linking to my original post, anyway.
      I actually do have an amazing community of bloggers who read my work and whose blogs I visit regularly. And I am very thankful that they read my blog, ‘get me’ and know I serve up honesty. In the original post I was merely venting that many of us who work hard to build connections are often ignored, and many readers agreed and connected with the post because at one point or another in the blogging world, they’ve ‘been there,’ which is why I wrote it.
      Find it interesting you posted about this (while calling me an attention whore) if we are all supposed to ‘get over it’- there seems to be more defensiveness to my original post than I expected.
      There’s an old woman who lives behind me and always says “It just wouldn’t do if we were all alike.” My post today was not directly pointed to any one person (unlike this one)- just written about a sense many bloggers get at times from ‘more established’ bloggers.
      It’s cool not to agree, and I appreciate you taking the time to come to my blog and express your opinion- sorry it inspired this directed response.
      .-= marymac´s last blog ..Dear Rock Star Blogger =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @marymac,

      I’m sorry you took this so personally. Yes, your blog did prompt this response. I follow your blog. I enjoy it. But you’ll see in the line after that I state that I’ve been seeing a lot of this lately. As in, there are a lot of people that seem to feel this way, not just you. So, no the post wasn’t directed at you. And for that matter, neither was the ‘attention whore’ comment, actually.

      I don’t think what I wrote is defensiveness at all. I wrote it in disbelief that there seems to be this attitude that big-name bloggers are somehow obligated to pay attention to someone just because that person WANTS them to. I’m sorry you’ve felt ignored, but perhaps that means you need to set more realistic expectations about your circle of influence then.

    • Lisa says:

      Exactly. I’ve been blogging for a while but I am fairly new to twitter so I’m just doing my best to be myself and build friendships. I don’t care where my friends stand on the blog ladder you could be on the last rung for all I care as long as I feel a connection with you.

      As always, very brilliantly put Miss Jenn :)
      .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Maddie =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Lisa,

      I agree. I don’t look at numbers of followers or how important someone’s blog is. The only thing that matters to me is if there is a connection, and if what they say interests me enough to keep coming back.

    • Ashlee says:

      I have to say, I love that you lay shit bare. You say what so many think and I LOVE it. I agree with you. I have a small but important-to-me group that I am pulled to on twitter and I don’t tweet them more cuz I hate my other tweeps, i just “get” these people and they “get” me(that one shocks me on a daily basis). Good post!!
      .-= Ashlee´s last blog ..Throwdown W/ Thing 1…. =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Ashlee,

      I really think that small is sometimes better. I’d rather get to know a small group of people really well than a large group of people barely at all.

      You’re right. It’s all about ‘getting’ each other

    • Beth says:

      I heart you. You say what the rest of us are thinking. Kudos
      .-= Beth´s last blog ..Thought Provoking Thursday =-.

    • AMomTwoBoys says:

      Um…GET OUT OF MY MIND!
      .-= AMomTwoBoys´s last blog ..On Your Birthday =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @AMomTwoBoys,

      But it’s such a pretty place to be… Oooo…look! Shiny! ;-)

      thepsychobabble Reply:

      @AMomTwoBoys, she’s creepily good at that, isn’t she??
      .-= thepsychobabble´s last blog ..Popularity is a bitch, right? =-.

    • PBandJazz says:

      I love you. I love how straight to the point you are and that I never have to wonder what you are thinking. Good post. I agree with you.
      .-= PBandJazz´s last blog ..I am a Proud Friend of Maddie =-.

    • Jillian says:

      Ah, now this makes sense. I know you both. :) The way I look at it is that I personally am a small time blogger. I’ve just started this year, don’t know many people, and since my blog doesn’t have any kind of “niche,” probably never will. I add people on twitter if they interact with me, otherwise I think they are probably spammers. Eventually, however, I won’t be able to interact with everyone. For me, it’s the most important part of this endeavor. However, I see your point as well.

      I’m a doctoral student, work at a job, do a practicum in the school system, have an 8-year old and a husband, 3 dogs, a cat that hates me, a house and other things that require attention. If it ever gets to that point, I will probably lose some of my ability to interact as well. Eventually, a person either touches you or they don’t. It’s our willingness to find those that we can touch or be touched by that makes us human. And by “be touched” I don’t mean in the naughty way. ^-^ Though that could be fun, too. ;)
      .-= Jillian´s last blog ..How to debone a chicken wing =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Jillian,

      Damn. And here I thought you were offering me a little girl-on-girl action. *sigh* Guess I’ll have to go back to dreaming ;-)

      But in all seriousness, I do agree with you. It’s the connection you feel with people that’s important.

      Jillian Reply:

      @Jenn, Well, if our “connection” ever moves beyond dial up to DSL, you never know. ;) *bow chica bow bow*
      .-= Jillian´s last blog ..How to debone a chicken wing =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Jillian,

      Bwahahaha… dude, I’m totally going to start taking up a collection to get you high speed now. lol

    • BRAVO!
      .-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..excuse me while i wet my pants and sweat profusely =-.

    • becky says:

      you are the master. *bows down*
      .-= becky´s last blog ..2 years old =-.

    • Amanda says:

      AMEN!
      .-= Amanda´s last blog ..November 11 – Maddie’s Day =-.

    • Sarah says:

      Dude. I sent you an @reply, like, 2 days ago. I am still waiting. Thanks a lot for not stroking my ego. I might unfollow you now. Thin ice, my friend. Thin.
      .-= Sarah´s last blog ..An Open Letter to the Evolutionary Process =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Sarah,

      What? Crap. Totally missed it. Dammit. Besides I thought you were to busy hanging with BoredMommy to notice (me, jealous? Never).

      But, just to make you feel better…
      stroke, stroke, pat, pat, rub, rub…hmmmm… that kinda feels nice ;-)

      Sarah Reply:

      @Jenn,

      mmmhmmm… you sure know how to make a girl’s Friday night! :)
      .-= Sarah´s last blog ..An Open Letter to the Evolutionary Process =-.

    • Anne Y says:

      Oh how I wish I had time to respond to all my @’s on Twitter, Comments on my blog and emails but I also have a husband, 3 small children and am a full time student and all that just happens to be more important than anything going on in the Interwebz. I also find myself cleaning out my Twitter list every Friday afternoon because there are so many people that I don’t interact with and then there are the ones whose Tweets I love to read and follow and don’t want to risk missing a tweet!

      Great post Jenn! Again, you managed to hit the nail right on the head! Lurves you!
      .-= Anne Y´s last blog ..It’s A Celebration =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Anne Y,

      That’s an interesting point Anne. How often should we be going through and really examining how relevant the people we follow are to us.

      Lurves you too!

    • Issa says:

      This is a great post Jenn. I agree completely. I occasionally tweet at “big scawy bloggers” but I only do it when I feel like it and I don’t expect a response. Also? I knew some of them when they weren’t big and some of those people haven’t followed me. Is no biggie, really. Like you said, they get TONS of comments and tweets and emails and they can’t answer all of it. I am very small in this blogging world and I can’t tweet back to everyone. It gets lost in the stream of everything. All of us do what we can do.

      I think if people find their peeps, that is the important thing. Who cares how popular someone is?
      .-= Issa´s last blog ..Because it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want too. =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Issa,

      The only thing ‘big and scawy’ about me is the size of my ass. *sigh* But that’s a whole other post. lol

      Good point though. Is how popular someone is really that important? And does popularity make someone any more interesting?

    • Have I mentioned lately that I love you? I know we have talked about this before…and I couldn’t agree with you more. I talk to the people that I have a connection to.

      I have not even 300 followers and I don’t even respond to every @ I recieve. I don’t do it to hurt anyones feelings…I just don’t. I also am horrible at returning emails(except yours of course) and I almost never answer my phone.

      If you are important to me…or entertain me? I’ll talk to you.

      Or if I’m hoping to see some boobies at BH :)
      .-= ali (adil320)´s last blog ..Freedom =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @ali (adil320),

      *smooches* Love you more.

      And dude, I’ll even shower with you at BH as long as you keep our fattypattybakedgoodsextravaganza fully stocked. ;-)

    • drlori71 says:

      Wait, you mean I’m not popular? *snort*
      I tweet because it’s fun. I blog because I need to exercise my right brain sometimes. That pretty much sums it up :-)

      Jenn Reply:

      @drlori71,

      lol! You’re beyond popular. You and your right brain (and part of the left too) are revered. Practically a legend on the interwebs. ;-)

    • Avasmommy says:

      Dude. First of all, I love you.

      This is exactly why I pared a list of over 800 followers down to 50something. 50 people I can interact with, get to know. 800? NO freakin way. I can’t imagine getting upset with someone who has 11 billion followers for not acknowledging your existence. I think the author of that post should look at herself and ask why is it so important to her that she be “recognized”. Cause frankly, the fault doesn’t lie with the “big bad, scary blogger”. It’s in the expectation that you will be acknowledged just because you spoke to someone. Just blog, tweet, FB. You’ll make connections. And you may find that that person who only has 10 followers will be the one with whom you form a lasting relationship. A MEANINGFUL relationship.
      .-= Avasmommy´s last blog ..I Will Let This Song Speak For Me. Happy 2 Years, Maddie. =-.

      Jenn Reply:

      @Avasmommy,

      Yes. It really does come down to expectations. And when our expectations are unrealistic, why is that someone elses fault?

      I love you and your meaningful relationships. *smooches*

    • DeniseEPL says:

      I follow a handful of professional chefs that don’t follow back, obviously. But occasionally I do wish they would just reply to me, when I engage them. But that’s more like a silly chef-crush.

      I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me, but I really don’t put any bloggers on a pedestal. Gasp, right? I pretty much adore the people I chat with and read on a weekly basis and can’t imagine the pressure of chasing the big names.
      .-= DeniseEPL´s last blog ..Great Interview Experiment, Meet Motherhood in NYC! =-.

    • Sorry I am late to chime in, but I love this. I really do. Because so much of this world spins on an axis of BS. None of us is any better than the next. We are our words and our experiences and our voices. There are no automatics, no guarantees. Just write and meet people who answer your questions and have some interest in them. Get over the rest.

      “So rather than going on about how ’so and so’ won’t talk to me, focus on people who will.”

      I will talk to you. Hope you feel the same.
      .-= Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities´s last blog ..Broccoli & Cheetos (a.k.a. My Life) =-.

    • Becky says:

      Do I know how many people follow my blog or even read my blog? Nope. I don’t check my stats very often (read once a month, when I remember).
      Do I know how many people follow me on Twitter? Other than to say, fewer than I follow, no. Do I care? Not so much.
      Do I know how many followers any of the blogs I read, have? Or people I follow on Twitter? Nope, don’t notice, don’t care.

      I read blogs because I enjoy them. I follow people on Twitter because sometimes their tweets make me laugh, some make me think but I do it for enjoyment.
      I get that social media is a great networking tool, but I just use it as entertainment and as a way to meet new people. Blogs/Twitter are voyeuristic and well it’s kind of fun to see how the other people live.
      .-= Becky´s last blog ..Who, What, When, Where, Why, oh, and How. =-.

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