I Think I'll Go Live In My Fridge. It's Warmer There

300px Icicles I Think I'll Go Live In My Fridge.  It's Warmer There

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Ahhhh….winter.  Snowfalls, icicles, and weather so cold your nipples will freeze right off.  I only wish I was kidding about that.

It’s a good thing I don’t have a pair of truck nuts on my mega cab or they’d be shriveled up to the size of little peas.  That pansy ass truck of mine decided to curl up and die in the cold.  Despite plugging in the block heater, we couldn’t even get it to turn over.  So my neighbor, who managed to get his car started (which I’m not at all bitter about) came over and offered to boost the truck for us.

Our two dogs, tired of being cooped up in the house, took the opportunity of the open front door to dodge around the neighbour and I and take off down the street and around the corner.  Recall training my ass.  Bastards didn’t even give me a backwards glance.

I bundled up and headed into the arctic deepfreeze.  Nope.  Not joking.

CanadianCold 300x80 I Think I'll Go Live In My Fridge.  It's Warmer ThereTranslated into American that is

AmericanCold 300x80 I Think I'll Go Live In My Fridge.  It's Warmer There

Now you understand why my truck said “Oh hell no!” when I turned the key.

After talking about the merits of using jumper cables as nipple adornments the neighbor and I finally hooked up the vehicles and …. didn’t start the truck.  I’m pretty sure it was laughing at me.  Things with batteries always tend to die when I need them most.  Dammit.

I turned around and headed back inside for some reinforcements.  Also know as warmer gloves and a scarf.  Then I trudged down the road looking for the dogs.  I may have even had the local po-po on the lookout for the stupid mutts.  Gotta love small town living. (yeah, they eventually turned up and are both grounded for the rest of their lives.  Especially after *I* got yelled at by a local farmer because the dogs went to play with the horses.  Jerkoffs).

If you’ve ever been out walking for half an hour in weather so cold that your eyelids freeze together when you blink (again, I only wish I was kidding) then you know that getting warm after is damn near impossible.

So Bil and I are doing what any normal Canadians do to keep warm.

We’re drinking.

Little known fact: most Canadian babies are born in the spring, not the summer like you would think.  I’m pretty sure it’s because we spend the winters so bundled up in layers by the time you get them all off you forget what you were doing in the first place.  That, and after a few dozen hot toddies we’re too busy to trying to make the room stop spinning that the thought of rocking the bed is too much like a carnival ride.

Even lesser known fact: my father is a meteorologist (aka weatherman).  That fact is completely useless when the weather forecast is ‘Fucking cold today; you’ll freeze your ass off tomorrow; and you don’t even want to know about the rest of the week’.

That being reality, though, Bil made a supply run tonight (liquor, liquor, and more liquor) so we’ll be hunkering down in our igloo house until Mother Nature grabs a clue.

Oh, and if you see a frozen mitt on the door handle, don’t bother ringing our doorbell (cause it doesn’t work either in this damn weather)

 I Think I'll Go Live In My Fridge.  It's Warmer There
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16 Responses to I Think I'll Go Live In My Fridge. It's Warmer There

  • Deidra23 says:

    You still have nipples to freeze off? I think I froze mine off last week, not sure though cause I seem to have lost feeling in my fingers.
    .-= Deidra23´s last blog ..Blue Diamonds =-.

  • Sharon says:

    Sending hot thoughts (take that any way you wish*wink*)from a very hot western australia. Its only 11am and we are already 40 degrees. Enjoy your snow suits whilst I’m gagging at the smell of pool chlorine. Offer to swap still stands. Theres just something about snow suits that does it for me.

  • jenn says:

    BWAHAHAHAAA you made me seriously LOL with the babies born in spring!! youve had a rough day, and it sounds like it may be a rough winter! hugs to you! I love snow, but not artic temps or TONS of snow. We are in tennessee so it rains most of the winter here, pretty damn depressing. hugs to you! stay warm, hump like rabbits, whatever makes ya happy through a miserable winter! also, drink one for me please!

  • Ok, now whenever i feel like complaining about the cold, I’ll just think about you and shut my piehole.

    Stay warm!
    .-= Sara @heartmychloe´s last blog ..The post about not posting =-.

  • Adelas says:

    Although I wouldn’t trade your weather for anything, I have to admit that I do miss true cold weather. It has been impressively cold for the Dallas area, highs in the 40s and lows in the teens (Fahrenheit) all this past week, but today it was in the mid-high 50s and it’s supposed to go back up for a couple days at least. I’m just hoping it can get back nice and chilly like this for Christmas, so my poor mom, who is in Orlando with 70-80 degree weather this past week, can get a little taste of almost-winter. (we’re from michigan originally)

  • Heather says:

    I cannot even handle the thought. Seriously. When the refrigerator is warmer than the climate outside….oh dear God!

    And what is this business about a heater for your car? So you plug your car into a heater?
    (I just googled it…and you’ll be happy to know that block heaters are most popular in Canada and Scandinavia!)

    You’re totally welcome here for a visit any time. We don’t know what temperatures like that are, and it’s never been colder than the fridge! ;)
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Further proof =-.

  • Kate says:

    Ha! You know I feel your pain in the way only a fellow Canadian prairie dweller can.

    I haven’t left the house in a week. This past weekend, it was down to -43C at night. Why WOULD I leave the house? What could possibly be worth going out in that?

    When my in-laws from France came to visit, they thought we were kidding about plugging in the car. They took pictures of the block heater cords to show their friends.

  • I was complaining about our 10 degrees above last week. I will never complain again.
    .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Sorry Kids, Santa Hates You =-.

  • AmazingGreis says:

    Ok, so when I beg and plead with mother nature for COLD weather I in no way mean -19 degrees, I’d be perfectly content with something in the 30 – 50 range. LOL :)
    .-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..I (heart) Faces – Week 49 =-.

  • Issa says:

    I’m sitting here trying to figure out what my fridge temp is. Ha. Um, please don’t freeze to death. K?

    Laughing at the spring babies thing.
    .-= Issa´s last blog ..Taking a break =-.

  • Issa says:

    Wait…you have to plug in your car?
    .-= Issa´s last blog ..Taking a break =-.

  • Vixen says:

    That is just too damn cold to be chasing after damned dogs who are out running with the ponies. Tell them I said they are double grounded.
    .-= Vixen´s last blog ..Later Than Late =-.

  • hot toddies for all… sheesh, i have no idea how you canadians do it. i guess that’s why you have those sexy accents that you do. you have to get something good out of living in a climate like that!!! sending you snuggly thoughts, and a lotta liquor. cheers!
    .-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..the ugly truth =-.

  • Amanda says:

    Well, if you get tired of the cold, you are more than welcome to come down here – where it’s not so much cold as it is rainy.

    But it’s not -19.

    My hubs the UPS man would be my best friend for more than one reason.
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..Sunday – Blow By Blow =-.

  • Pres. Kathy says:

    I say time for hot chocolate and sitting in front of a fire!

  • Kellee says:

    LOL – living in Las Vegas, I really can’t imagine that kind of cold anymore. It’s 43 F outside right now, and it feels chilly to me. LOL I hope you figure out to get your truck (and other battery operated devices) up and running soon. Yay for your neighbors for being awesome. And booze. Always yay for booze.
    .-= Kellee´s last blog ..It Is Not Only Fine Feathers That Make Fine Birds =-.

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