Open Yourself to the Possibilities (Relationship Series: Part 1)

You can find the series intro here: Relationships – An Intro


type….backspace…type, type, type…backspace….select all…delete.

*sigh*

I wish I could claim writers block on this, but it’s the exact opposite.

The words are fighting to get out. So many ways to say things and every word has to be considered, weighed.

So lets change approaches here and start with a bit of background instead.

Rewind the clock….way back to my childhood, when on a chilly fall day, at the age of 12, I met…well, let’s call him Mr. O

It was intrigue at first sight.

Even back then he didn’t quite fit in to that tried and true mold of what defines normal.  He’s always marched to the beat of his own drummer.

As we grew up, he was always there.  Always whatever I needed him to be.  Friend, confidant, protector, and…more.

Then, in the way that sometimes happens when you’re young, as I turned more and more to whatever guy was flavor of the week and less to him, Mr. O slowly faded, then disappeared from my life.

I always wondered what had happened to him.  Not in a longing, want him back in my life way.  But in a wanting to know his life had turned out alright for him way.

Until a chilly fall day in 2009, when I opened my inbox to a message from him.

That would be one of those days when I love social media.

4052558883 c9920bf4ef m Open Yourself to the Possibilities (Relationship Series: Part 1)
Image by xmasons via Flickr

We exchanged messages that went something along the line of “So… what have you been up to for the past 15 or so years?”

We caught up on friends, parents, work, family, marriages.  And that would be where he dropped…well, for me… a bit of a bombshell.

The words “open marriage

I don’t know why I was the least bit surprised.  Remember that ‘marching to the beat of his own drummer’ thing?  Yeah.  Exactly.

For what ever reason, though, those two simple words prompted Bil and I to have several lengthy conversations about our own relationship, relationships in general, and whether monogamy is a natural state of mind or a force sense of being in today’s world (more to come on all that in part 2 of my series)

But just examining my own relationship wasn’t enough.

After I got over the whole “OMG, No Way, Are You Serious, WTF” reaction, I moved on to curiosity.  OK, who am I kidding, I’m just nosy.

Mr. O agreed to sit down and talk with me about the dynamics in his relationship with his wife.  The words below are mine as recalled from snippets of our 3 hour conversation in a local Starbucks to the best of my memory.  I was too busy firing questions at him to actually write the answers down (cause I’m classy and brilliant like that).  Any errors or omissions are mine alone.

Isn’t Open Marriage just a fancy way of saying ‘cheating’?

No.  Cheating means sneaking behind your partners back.  This is an open marriage.  It means being open and honest. If I find someone I want to play* with then I talk to my wife about it.  She has to agree to it.

*people who engage in BDSM or D/s relationships often refer to their activity as “play”. A single play session called a “scene”

And if she doesn’t?

My wife has full veto power.  If she’s not comfortable with it then it doesn’t happen.  If she does agree to it, then later changes her mind and decides she doesn’t want to continue, that’s her right, and everything stops.  My relationship with her is the priority.

If you did meet someone and start playing with them and then your wife decided she wanted you to stop, wouldn’t that… I don’t know… tick you off a bit?

No.  Absolutely not.  She has to be able to trust me to respect her wishes in this, otherwise it’s not going to work.  And I’m not going to do anything to screw up my relationship with her.  So if she says no, then that’s the end of discussion.

So is it just you that goes outside the marriage then?

No.  If my wife met someone she wanted to play with then we’d have the same conversation and I’d have veto power.

Do you guys ever play together with other people?

We have.  It really has to be the right situation and everyone has to agree with it.

What would make you go outside the marriage in the first place?  If you’re happy in your relationship would you really need to look outside your marriage?

Sure.  It’s not about not being happy in a relationship.  I love my wife and am very happy with her.  She’s the only one who could put up with my shit for this long.  But, I like to play, and she knows that.  That’s who I am. Sometimes it’s as simple as having a friend who isn’t getting something that she needs in her own relationship.  If I can help her with that, help her spice up her own relationship, and my wife’s OK with it, then why wouldn’t I?

Do you kids know about your lifestyle?

No.  Never. The don’t need to know.  I don’t want them to know.

** UPDATED** As I said any mistakes in writing this are mine.  What this should have said was No, because they’re too young.  But Mr.O was kind enough to respond and expound on this particular point:

In order to clarify for our avid readers I will comment.

In relation to divulging the nature of my marriage and its openess, it is not a matter of us never revealing it to the children, it is a matter of when! As they are both under 12, to divulge this information now could be detrimental to not only my wifes work, but also any social relations my kids have. Dependant upon their development and emotional maturity, I have every intention of speaking of this with my kids, when they have the ability to comprehend what is being said and to make informed and educated decisions on it. It is not a matter of any hidden or suppressed form of shame, but rather an issue of maintaining balance between our Kink and our mundane lives to ensure that it causes no complications for anyone.

As a professional Martial Artist and former Unarmed Combat Instructor, it would be akin to my teaching a new student “Death Moves” on day one rather than ensuring they have the basics first.  Same goes for telling our kids, when the time is right or they have questions, we will answer them fully.

And besides, if and when the time comes, we may have stopped playing and therefore have no need.

It’s like I said before… I refuse to subscribe to socially accepted morality when I was never consulted during its development!

~Mr. O


Have you guy always had an open marriage?

No.  I repressed a lot of myself when I started dating my wife.  I assumed she was vanilla*  so tried to be that way too and we never talked about it.  We were married for years before it finally came out and I found out that she was a sub**.

*vanilla – used to describe anything or anyone that’s non-kink
**sub – short for submissive.  The less dominant partner, and sometimes slave to a Dom, in a D/s relationship

Have you always known that you were into this sort of lifestyle?

Well before I met my wife I was actually in a polyamorous relationship.  And that worked well for me.  So I knew then that I enjoyed that type of open relationship.

What about jealousy?

Yes, that can be an issue.  But that’s why you set up certain ground rules and why any potential relationship or play is vetted through my wife.

And these types of relationships aren’t for everyone.  It  takes a certain sort of mentality to engage in them.  If you can’t separate love from sex then this is not going to work for you, because that’s when a lot of jealousy happens.

What would you say to someone who was suppressing their sexuality in a vanilla relationship?

Talk about it.  Communication is important.  Even more so if you’re considering an open relationship.  You never know… your partner might be interested in exploring the same things as you, but just suppressing it as well.

Eventually you’re going to get tired of suppressing what ever it is (kink, the need for sex more often, whatever).  If you don’t have open communication with your spouse at this point, then that’s when you see people cheating because they feel they don’t have other options.  But there are always other options.

Like what?

Well, you can go back to suppressing, which isn’t going to make you happy.  And if you’re not happy how can you make your partner happy?.  You could cheat, but then you’re ruining the trust in a relationship.  You could talk to your partner about about the possibility of opening up the relationship.  Or you could consider divorce.

Of the four options, if you have good communication and ground rules, then I think opening the relationship is the best option.

So, that, in a long drawn out nut shell, is an open relationship.  Or rather one version of it.

So now you should all go and make your marriages open.  Noooo… not really.  That’s not what this is about.

It is merely to prompt conversation.  Your own internal conversation, conversation with your spouse, conversations here.

And to allow you to begin to examine prejudices.  Even if you don’t agree with open relationships (and I’m no psychic, but I’m going to bet that a lot of you wont), is it really a bad thing for those people who it does work for?

I would also be curious if there’s anything that I didn’t cover here, that you would like me to go back and ask Mr. O about.  Because, being the nosy bitch I am, and him having many years experience dealing with my charming personality, I’m sure he’d be willing to share, if only to get me to shut up.

UPDATE#1: I posted the first update from Mr.O in the section about whether his kids know, above.
UPDATE#2: Some further information and clarification from Mr. O:

Many so called “Dom/mes” are not always as they tout themselves to be. Far too many are just egotistical and prey on weaker individuals. Anyone that participates in any form of BDSM or D/s play and has done so for any length of time understands that it is not the Dominant that has control… Submissive in any facet have the control and thus control any “Scenes” that take place. The only power a Dominant has is that which is given to them. Thus it is imperative that the trust is there!

Granted, some may view my wifes and my relationship as abnormal and that is within their right. But even if a couple that is just looking to spice things up engages in multiple play partners for an experience, it is a very personal choice and should be discussed at length prior to!

Allow me to make one thing very clear, I love my wife with an intensity that is beyond description and we have a wonderful marriage. I fall in love with her more everyday. This is my solemn word and as such is beyond contestation.

Understand… We are very picky in regards to play and we do not just “whore around”.
There are very few outside of the lifestyle that are aware of our activities as this is a lifestyle that we live privately.
It’s not about sex, or orgies or anything of the sort… For us, we simply allow each other to be who we truly are, away from those that would not understand.

For many of us, myself included, to supress aspects of our nature is extremely difficult, be it Dom or sub. I am an animal by nature… A civilized one, but still very much the Alpha Wolf in the Pack, with my wife, I am allowed to be that in a healthy manner. She is a submissive, and I allow her to express that in a safe environment free from judgement.

As Princess Jenn has stated, we have known each other since we were kids and I have ALWAYS been as I am. Be it genetic or otherwise, I have always been an Alpha as that is part of what makes me who I am. Those that know me are very much aware of this.

And again… The only power I have is that which my wife/slave gives me!

Now, I will turn this blog back over to the princess and observe from the outside!

~Mr. O


Update #3: Responses to some of the comments and questions courtesy of Mr. O

In regard to the question from Avasmommy about what would happen if my wife wanted to opt out – In the event that she were to decide that this was no longer the lifestyle that she wanted to live… It stops, no If’s, and’s or but’s about it! This is again where the communication is key.

Also, I will address the comment regarding being careful what you wish for…

If my wife were to come to me and tell me that she had fallen in love with someone else, than as much as it would crush me, there really is nothing one can do. However, we have had this discussion previously, we are both still very much in love and as she has no desire to play with other men, we are happy! In regards to her taking the kids to another country where the rules are different… We both understand that our children are paramount and regardless of our relationship status, we are good parents and know that the kids need us both. That, and on the lighter side, Jenn can attest to the fact that I am former Military with Special Ops training… It would not be difficult for me to track them down… Call in a few favours… LOL. At any rate… It all boils down to what is best for all parties. That’s the joy of Veto Power.

My wife and I have been together for 11 years and are still going strong.

Phew… Nothing like being proverbially raked across coals!!

~ Mr. O



Part 2 – What a Woman REALLY wants

 Open Yourself to the Possibilities (Relationship Series: Part 1)
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45 Responses to Open Yourself to the Possibilities (Relationship Series: Part 1)

  • Heather says:

    Girl…you’re gonna get carpal tunnel!

    There were a lot of really good points.

    I want to know why he won’t ever tell his kids? What if they grow up feeling “different” like their dad? He should be able to guide them. You know?
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Our Incredible First Annual Secret Santa =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @Heather,

    That’s a really good question. I hadn’t thought of that at all. And another question… if you were going to tell them, at what age would you tell them?

  • i am all about delving into the relationships i have… whether it’s with my husband or friendships. i want to know what makes things “work” and “not work” within them and why. so in that case, this post is entirely intriguing. that being said, and perhaps i wouldn’t be saying this if i wasn’t a mother… but, i am with heather on this and want to know why he won’t ever tell his kids. is there some underlying or subconscious shame in not telling them? gosh, i have so many questions…
    .-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..Firestone Chardonnay =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @nic @mybottlesup,

    You know.. having been exposed to these types of relationships in the past, I never considered the answer would be anything other than that the kids would be sheltered from it. But it’s a good point about the subconscious shame. I honestly don’t know the answer to that. But I’ll ask ;-)

  • Avasmommy says:

    I have to throw my voice in here and ask, too, if there is nothing wrong with what he’s doing (and I’m not saying there is) then telling your children shouldn’t be an issue. Of course you wouldn’t tell them when they’re too little to get it, but teens? Why not? Unless on some level you’re ashamed of what you’re doing. Maybe he won’t tell them because he realizes it’s not readily accepted in society?

    Personally, I think monogamy is possible. I have never cheated. Ever. Wouldn’t. Couldn’t. You make conscious choices as an adult. Nobody pushes you into making them. I truly believe that you can remain committed to someone if you CHOOSE.

    Having said that, if both he and his wife are truly, honestly happy with the way their marriage is, then more power to them. As a society, we are way too hung up on what’s “normal” or what’s “acceptable”. People are so varied in so many ways, it pains me to see labels and tags put on everyone. We do it with our kids, our jobs, our marriages.

    Twenty years ago, we could have been having this same argument about gay marriage. In many places, we still are. Who am I to tell anyone how to live their life? Why would anyone feel threatened by something that has absolutely nothing to do with your relationships?

    I think I’m starting to ramble now, so I’ll wrap this up.

    I could never have the kind of marriage your friend has. It wouldn’t work for me any more than a monogamous one would work for him. But the beauty of it is, it doesn’t have to. We all are who we are. The world would be so much better off if we learned to celebrate our differences instead of attacking them.
    .-= Avasmommy´s last blog ..Happy Christmahanukwanzaka =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @Avasmommy,

    Mr. O responded specifically to your point Jenna, as he thought it was a very valid one. I’ve included it in the post section about the kids.

    I think that’s an interesting point you make about choices. It is definitely a choice to be monogamous… but is it a natural choice or one we feel we have to make? Having said that, I’ve never cheated either. But I don’t know that ‘not cheating’ and ‘monogamy’ are synonymous these days.

    Avasmommy Reply:

    @Jenn,
    For me, I feel it’s a natural choice. I’ve simply never had the desire. Sure, I look at other men and admire them, but that’s as far as it goes. I had the opportunity to cheat with someone. Someone I found very attractive. He made no bones about the fact that he was attracted to me. But I never once even considered it. I love my husband and I don’t WANT anyone else. Not to mention the hurt and mistrust cheating brings to the relationship.
    .-= Avasmommy´s last blog ..Happy Christmahanukwanzaka =-.

  • I know it wouldn’t work within my own relationship. We have too many trust issues as it is.

    But if it works for someone else, than more power to ‘em. I really don’t care how many, or what gender, partners you(general) have, as long as they are all consenting adults.
    .-= thepsychobabble´s last blog ..I’m not here today =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @thepsychobabble,

    Yes, I think trust is a huge thing for something like this. If the trust isn’t already there, then moving to an open relationship is not going to help that fact.

  • Subscribing to comments on this one. I’m very interested to hear what people have to say.

    Coming from a marriage – a “closed” marriage, I suppose I should specify for this discussion, where we practice BDSM, I can definitely see how an open marriage can go hand in hand with that lifestyle in particular. In fact, we’ve considered – though never agreed upon, yet – opening things up a bit to include someone else into our play. We’ve always discussed it in terms of adding someone, though – making it a trio, or quartet – rather than one of us going off to scene with someone else. I think that at this point in our relationship, we’re not ready or open to that idea, though who knows where it will go?

    I agree that there’s no need to involve or tell the kids… at least, not while they are kids. Perhaps once they are adults – 21, 25 years maybe. At that point, they’ll be at an age and hopefully maturity to understand the differences between many relationships. It depends on the son/daughter whether they will be open to hearing it, and whether it would be beneficial to hear it or whether it would be potentially damaging to the relationship between parent and child.
    .-= MommyGeekology´s last blog ..Mobile Version Now Available =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @MommyGeekology,

    Really?? OK, now I’m totally intrigued. We should totally talk. I would love to do a whole post about how you include that in your relationship and why it works for you, if you’re willing.

    Bil Simser Reply:

    @MommyGeekology, I think the idea of adding a third person to the relationship is problematic. Even if everyone agrees to the setup, there’s the notion that three people in a room with at least one of them wondering what the other is thinking. Or judging. Is my wife prettier than that other person? Why is my husband spending more time with her rather than me. Why is she doing that to him, she never does that with me. And so on. Having an open relationship where your partner goes off with someone outside of your intimacy with them is different. You know they’re out interacting with that person but the competition isn’t there, or the judgements, or the direct observations of behaviors. I’m not saying it’s everyone’s cup of tea but I think there’s a big difference between bringing someone into the relationship (with consent from all) vs. consent to go outside of the relationship. It’s the same reason why I think Polygamy with your *other* wifes/husbands inside the house doesn’t work. Too much jealousy and judgements. YMMV.
    .-= Bil Simser´s last blog ..Installing PyGTK on Windows x64 =-.

    MommyGeekology Reply:

    @Bil Simser, I can see where you’re coming from here, and I’d say that if we didn’t participate in BDSM, it would definitely be something to be concerned about. However, in the context of a scene… well, things are a little different. To begin, I’m a sub and my husband, obviously, is a Dom – so we’ve considered bringing another sub or Dom – female – into the relationship to play from time to time. Within the context of a scene it’s basically make believe with props – that is to say, it’s very different from him having another wife. We’re play-acting, erotically. I think it’s hard to understand if you don’t understand or enjoy BDSM, but part of the appeal of it for me is the objectification and power reversal. Bringing another sub into the scene, or even a Dom, would only increase that.

    No to mention I’d have the satisfaction of knowing that when the scene is over, I’m the one getting the cuddles and love.
    .-= MommyGeekology´s last blog ..Mobile Version Now Available =-.

  • mel says:

    I’m loving this topic only because of my curiosity into how his relationship work and damn, I wish you could talk to both him and his wife and find out her side of it.

    Sounds like it works for them and more power to them for that. Me personally it just wouldn’t. I just don’t like to share. I definately am intrigued by how they make it work. It has to be hard though. You can’t control the other person from becoming emotionally involved even if your intentions were clear at first. I know a lot of people that were in NSA relationships that became attached and then jealous when it ended or they found out about someone elses getting a piece of the same pie. I;m sure it happens more with woman and I imagine that would add complication to the marriage or “openness”

    Jenn Reply:

    @mel,

    While Mr. O’s wife probably wouldn’t be willing to discuss this (only because she’s fiercely protective of her privacy and doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize her job… I don’t blame her) I do know another woman in an open relationship. Is there something specific you are wanting to know that I can ask her?

    mel Reply:

    @Jenn,

    I was just primarily curious about if they’ve come into any issues with the people they get involved with. You know, that like won’t just leave it as a one time or this will never be a relationship. I would have a hard time as a woman and knowing how connected I feel with my man that someone else would start to feel that connection with him or he would get feelings for someone else. I just think that ‘s hard to control, so maybe I’d be more afraid of that rather than the initial openness.

    Jenn Reply:

    @mel,
    Oh, this one I actually can answer.

    In terms of this sort of open relationship (as opposed to something that polyamorous), feelings are reserved for your primary relationship (in this case Mr. O and his wife). The play outside the relationship is exactly that…play. Once romantic feelings start to enter into the equation, you’ve crossed the bounds of play into something more, so the play relationship ceases immediately. To continue with it would be violating the trust of your partner.

    But it is this exact situation where trust in these sorts of relationships come into play.
    You have to trust your spouse to recognize the feelings for what they are, and you have to trust them to end the relationship immediately and refocus / rededicate themselves to the primary relationship.

    mel Reply:

    @Jenn,
    makes sense. I guess it take the right type of person for this relationship to work too. kudos to them.

    Avasmommy Reply:

    @Jenn,

    What about the third person in this “Scene”…what happens if they start to develop feelings for the wife or husband? Do you not run the risk of that happening?
    Do people only bring in another person as a one time only thing?
    .-= Avasmommy´s last blog ..Happy Christmahanukwanzaka =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @Avasmommy,
    Yes, you absolutely run this risk. But the same rule applies. If they develop feelings then the play has to stop because it’s not fair to continue when those feelings cannot be returned.

    And, no, it’s not necessarily a one time thing. If the outside play is D/s involved than it can actually be a long term sort of arrangement.

    Usually these are some of the ground rules that would need to be set up when you open up a relationship like that.

    Al_Pal Reply:

    @Avasmommy, From what I’ve read, some people do “one time only” scenarios, so they don’t run the risk of emotional attachment, some have ongoing things [but will break it off if emotions flare up], and some are open to the idea of adding a gf/bf/spouse to their ‘pack’.

    I’ve read a decent amount, both because there are some poly people in one of my communities, and because human variation is just fascinating. ;P
    .-= Al_Pal´s last blog ..My new creative outlet: Bread Puddings! =-.

  • can we turn this into a tinychat??? with mr. o??? i’m finding myself continually intrigued and wanting to discuss such candid and personal things with an open soul.
    .-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..Firestone Chardonnay =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @nic @mybottlesup,
    I’ve put the question to him.
    I have NO idea if he would ever agree to something quite that public. There’s a reason he’s not posting his comments here himself.
    But I have asked, so we’ll see how he feels about it.

    Jenn Reply:

    @nic @mybottlesup,
    I’m afraid it’s a no go. Sorry. lol
    Here’s what he said:

    “Lol… Well, I think the idea of a Twitter or radio/ live chat is a bit much for me. I’m just a simple guy. I’m nothing special. I’m just glad you have something to talk about!” ~Mr.O

    nic @mybottlesup Reply:

    @Jenn, awww, please tell him how sorry i am. the insight of a “simple guy” who considers himself “nothing special” may lead to a fascinating conversation. :( what if i beg???
    .-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..Firestone Chardonnay =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @nic @mybottlesup,

    You could try begging… but he’s into BDSM, remember…
    You might find yourself with a good spanking rather than a video chat. ;-)

  • I’m all for people living how they want. i just know me and hubs could NEVER do this. i’m way too jealous lol
    .-= Becky @TheRealBecks´s last blog ..Our non-traditional Christmas =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @Becky @TheRealBecks,

    So I would put the question to you:
    What makes you jealous? What causes that reaction in you?
    Is it a trust issue, insecurity in something, or something else entirely?

  • mel says:

    after reading his update, he sounds like a pretty awesome dude.

    Jenn Reply:

    @mel,
    It’s funny you say that, because I think some people assume ‘Oh, he’s going outside of the marriage, he must be a real jerk’.
    Really, that’s the farthest thing from the truth. If you see him and his wife together, it’s obvious that he adores her completely.
    And as guys go, he’s incredibly considerate and caring.

  • Well I say be careful what you wish for.She could fall in love with somebody else and never return taking children with perhaps to another country where rules are different. After all she could fall in love and maybe even the sex could be bad. but if mr. O WANTS TO TAKE THIS CHANCE. so be it.

    Jenn Reply:

    @robin bondhus,

    I’m not sure what you mean by ‘be careful what you wish for’. Mr.O has been very blunt about the fact that his wife is the love of his life and his priority. Anything else is secondary to her wishes. Most women could be so lucky to be in a relationship with someone who places their needs / wishes / desires above all else.

    One of the keys to a relationship like this working is open communication, trust, and RULES. Those rules are key to keeping the relationship in balance.

    I don’t think being in a open relationship makes it any more likely that his wife is going to run away to another country with the kids. In fact, I think the open lines of communication that are required for a successful open relationship is a good thing.

  • Avasmommy says:

    I have one other big question. What if tonight, his wife came home and decided this was not the life for her any longer?

    I just have a hard time wrapping my head around it all. Not judging, but it’s so foreign to me.
    .-= Avasmommy´s last blog ..Happy Christmahanukwanzaka =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @Avasmommy,

    Mr.O responded to your question. I’ve posted another update into the original post.

    I think your questions are great. That was the point of this whole post… to open a dialogue.

    Avasmommy Reply:

    @Jenn,
    I think he makes a good point about not being able to do anything about it if his wife fell in love with someone else. That happens in “non open” marriages too. With heartbreaking frequency.

    I hope he didn’t think I was raking him across the coals. Just genuinely curious about the what ifs.
    .-= Avasmommy´s last blog ..Happy Christmahanukwanzaka =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @Avasmommy,

    Lol… no. I think he respects your questions because when he’s been responding it’s been ‘here’s a response to avasmommy’s questions… ‘

    The raking over the coals I think may have be partly joking / partly directed at a comment about his wife leaving him and taking the kids to another country.

  • I have known many people who have had “open relationships” and variations of them – but I, myself wouldn’t have one. Mainly because, for my husband and me, it would cause problems in our relationship. It’s something we’ve talked about at length, because of the exposure we’ve had to it.

    I think, whatever works for any particular couple, is fine with me
    .-= Andrea’s Sweet Life´s last blog ..Out-Smarting Santa =-.

    Jenn Reply:

    @Andrea’s Sweet Life,

    I think the big thing here, though, is you guys have actually had a conversation about this, so you’re both on the same page.

    So many couples choose to assume they know what each other wants without ever actually talking it out in any depth.

  • Kellee says:

    Truly fascinating. While not something that I am personally interested in at this time, I don’t think there is a single the wrong with any sort of exploration that occurs as long as all parties are both in agreement and in the know.

    That is also how I define cheating. I don’t think it is a finite term. You are cheating in your particular relationship if you are doing something that you cannot tell your partner about. Might be a little too narrow for some people, but I think it holds true. What is acceptable or unacceptable is not what society deems so, but what the people involved in the relationship deem so. If you both can’t agree on the terms, whatever they are, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship. :)
    .-= Kellee´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday Diptych #2: Green =-.

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  • Kekibird says:

    Fascinating and well written. It’s always interesting to learn a little about people and different relationships. Acceptance and communication is key here. Knowing that what works for one may not work for another and just being ok with that. What they do will not threaten the way someone else does things.

    Love the idea of opening up discussions with your partner over any type of relationship topics.

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  • Lu says:

    Um, how in the hell did I miss this post? Oh yeah I haven’t read and/or written anything in 100 years. Anyway…

    Go Mr and Mrs O! I just want people to do what makes them happy, as long as it doesn’t fuck with my life, WHO CARES. I mean within reason. Don’t hurt people/animals and crap like that. But I HATE judgement. I couldn’t care less what you do with your winky at night as long as it’s not hurting someone else.

    I don’t think the Mr. and I would do it, mostly because we have this crazy, fiery, passion and I have never even looked as anyone else. I am not saying Mr. and Mrs. O don’t have passion, I just don’t know how that would work out. Who knows, we have been married for 8 years, if in another 8, 10, or hell 20 years we wanna shake it up a bit…who knows. I never say never. Life has already taught me otherwise.
    Besides if I was smart, I would have married a woman to begin with. KIDDING. Ok kinda kidding, because wives are awesome and sometimes I need a clone of myself. Maybe the open thing would work if she/he did laundry. HM.

    You are an awesome blogger and the only one I know who could pull this off. You rock and I miss you. Christmas (being SO BUSY) and croup (POOR V) can suck it!

    Jenn Reply:

    @Lu,

    Two words: Sister Wife.
    lol!

    Missing you too girl. And thanks for the sweet words!

  • Pingback: The UnMarriage (Relationship Series: Part 3)

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