This post has been written and rewritten about a dozen times in the past week as I tried to figure out what I wanted it to say and how the hell I was going to manage that.

Most of my posts tend to write themselves.  I sit down, I write, and when I feel I’m done, I stop.  They may not always flow or be eloquent, but they get the point across.

This one?  Not so much.

I think the reason I’ve struggled with this so much, is two fold.

First, we live in an age where different still so often equals bad.  People love to be judgmental about anything or anyone who doesn’t conform to their idea of norm.  And, as many of my posts do, this one talks about things outside the norm.

Secondly, I have a lot to say on this subject.   I suspect this will probably end up getting broken out into a series of posts exploring the different sides of this topic.

What topic, you ask?

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen this one evening:

I got a barrage of “Does his wife know that?” comments that made me laugh.

But it also made me stop and think.  And I realized… damn…. that was pretty judgmental of me.  It forced me to really step back and examine why that was my initial reaction.  It also prompted several very deep conversations with Bil about relationships and elemental human nature.

This friend of mine and his wife have chosen (and yes, it is a mutual decision) a lifestyle that is not the norm.  And perhaps that’s why I was taken aback at first.

But I soon realized that, under the surface, the relationship Bil and I have isn’t the norm either.

So what is the norm?  And even though it may be the norm, is it really the best choice for everyone involved?

I had the opportunity to go for coffee with this friend and he was gracious enough to let me quiz him about his lifestyle.  Not just the open marriage part, but the other part of playing they explore (that means BDSM for the uninitiated).  And by quiz, I mean sit and grill him for three hours about every aspect of his life to try and understand the motivation behind it.  He also agreed to let me share some of what we discussed.

So, I would ask that you keep an open mind when reading the next few posts I write before rushing to condemn.  I know some of the things I will write about cover a lifestyle most people don’t understand or choose.  But that is exactly why I’m choosing to write about it.  To see if my readers can suspend judgment in favor of greater understanding and just perhaps opening themselves to options they’ve never considered before.

UPDATE*

Part 1 – Open Yourself to the Possibilities

Part 2 – What a Woman REALLY want