Enough Of This Emo Shit. Let’s Talk About Vaginas

3341605323 4ed626a455 m Enough Of This Emo Shit.  Lets Talk About Vaginas
Image by Kuzeytac via Flickr

Latin names always freak me out.  Take rosacea for example. Sounds more like a skin condition than the family of flowers known as the rose.

Oh wait… it is a skin condition too. Well nix that.

But you see what I mean. Latin names are confusing.

You don’t tell a woman she has a nice gluteus maximus. No of course not. You complement her on her fabulously toned ass, which she’s obviously spent hours in the gym for, and isn’t it nice that she has that kind of time, while the rest of us sit around eating bon-bons all day in our muumuus. Pass the chocolate please.

Same as you don’t talk about bumping your ulnar nerve. No, you hit your damn funny bone which isn’t so funny when it’s your own elbow, is it? Ha! Who’s laughing now?

And how many of you pick umbilicus lint? Show of hands? Well there you go. Although apparently some people have a fetish for it.

My point is, Latin is the root of many body parts. But the English language has mangled it or ditched it all together in favor of the comfortable, the known, the easy to pronounce.


Why the hell haven’t we done that for our own vaginas? Oh sure we have nicknames for it.

  • Vajayjay.
  • Hoo-ha.
  • Beaver – my personal Canadian favorite
  • For those who don’t wax – Bearded Oyster
  • Cooter (I’ve always wondered if this was where the word ‘cooties’ came from).
  • And for those who are really fru fru and need to get their heads out of their asses (sorry, anal cavity) – Flower

But we haven’t really come up with one solid, specific name to replace the dreaded ‘vagina’.

And things just go downhill when you start talking about the rest of the bits down there.

Clitoris. Sounds like a celestial body, doesn’t it. You know. ‘Clitoris; second star to the right and straight on till morning’.

Then you have ‘mons pubis’ which I’m pretty sure is a mountain on a moon circling around Venus. (If your first thought was ‘Hey, Venus has no moons’ you are a) TOTALLY missing the point here and b) in serious need of a sex life)

And don’t forget about the two constellations Labia Minora and Labia Majora.

No wonder men are clueless about how things down there work, when WE can’t even pronounce them.

The only word down there that is recognizable to them is ‘hood’, but in typical fashion, half of them these days look under a hood and have no idea what to do with what’s there.

So I vote we rename everything. Start with a clean slate. Something maybe men will relate to and want to play with (I was thinking penis, but that’s already been taken).

Or maybe we just need to start renaming things men like.  The Heisman Trophy could easily become the Hymen trophy, right?

So lets hear it.  What would your naming theme be?  Sports? Women’s Magazines?  Car parts (since we’re already started down that path anyway)?

 Enough Of This Emo Shit.  Lets Talk About Vaginas
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14 Responses to Enough Of This Emo Shit. Let’s Talk About Vaginas

  • Al_Pal says:

    Awesome. There is a pretty cool book, “Cunt: a Declaration of Independence”, which notes that a vagina is a place to stick a sword…and that cunt sounds like a monster truck! :P

    I’ve declared before, “clit-a-ris”, not cli-TOR-US, it isn’t a dinosaur! ;p

    And, uh, I like calling the mons pubis, The Great Moundini. ;p

    Fun post.
    .-= Al_Pal´s last blog ..Sensitivity: I have it. =-.

  • Heather says:

    My son, bless his heart, refers to the nether regions as the “Glory”.

    And it is quite a glorious place, so I’m sticking with that!
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..February 20 =-.

  • Sally Moon says:

    I Love this, words are so defining. When I was a sailor we decided that some terms and objects were okay and others needed renaming. Like the “Breast” line – these are lines that go across objects like docks and other boats. We thought that “Dick” line was better because of the sailing terms ” Harden up on the dick” ( means to pull it in) and “let out the dick”, you get the picture also the cock pit..where did that come from? How about person area? Anyway, it passed the time on a boat that had a very intergrated crew. Nice post.

  • You know I love me some “hoo ha”, but when I’m in a silly mood, I refer to my clit as my rosebud.

    As in “gentle…..it’s my rosebud”

    yeah…i’m weird.

    oh – and of course, you can’t forget MAGINA!

  • mmmm…car parts might be even more foreign to some of us, although the husband would certainly be able to remember those.
    There was one little girl I watched who referred to it as her “cookie”
    I had NO clue what she was trying to tell me, when she kept saying her “cookie” hurt.
    .-= thepsychobabble´s last blog ..GTT: Olympic-Style =-.

  • Michelle P. says:

    We are pure penis and vagina people in my house. One of my favorite quotes is when visiting friends. We were changing our daughter (just 3 months) and our friend decides to use it as a teaching moment. “Look,” she says to her son, “you have a winky and she has a fou-fou”. I hear my other half from the kitchen yell out “Well, our son has a penis and our daughter has a vagina.”. Never mind the confusion over penis and pitas in the grocery store.

  • i use “vag” A LOT… like, a whole lot. “my vag…” or “your being a vag…”

    when it comes to the magoo, i ask him where his “penis” is and he grabs it and with a big smile on his goofy face says, “PEEEEESIS.”

    i figure it’s fine if he refers to his junk as “pieces,” cuz ya know, there are bits and pieces to it all.
    .-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..thank you, maggie =-.

  • oh shit, i did a typo with “your” and i meant “you’re.”

    dammit i hate that!

    blame the nyquil.
    .-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..thank you, maggie =-.

  • Jodee says:

    LMAO.. this was hilarious. you are right the word vagina just sounds gross…. I would go with car parts… I think men would like that. =-)
    .-= Jodee´s last blog ..Honest Blogging =-.

  • Hehehe, payback beeyotch! :p
    ~hits PrincessJenn w/a fluffy award and runs away~
    .-= thepsychobabble´s last blog ..Double the Love =-.

  • jenn says:

    omg i laughed so hard! after my post i needed to laugh lol…sports terms would work in my house full of 1 man and 3 boys!! i call daniels penis – pepe- no idea where i came up with that! when refering to condoms i say weiner wrappers rofl. daniel refers to my vagina as pie @@

  • Kisha Floren says:

    My mom always referred to it as our “tutu.” Imagine my horror on the first day of ballet class. You want me to wear what…..?!?!?
    .-= Kisha Floren´s last blog ..Freebie Friday: Clipa Product Review and Giveaway =-.

  • Stesha says:

    My vagina has a first name. It’s O.S.C.A.R. Get it? I’m lame…

    Hugs and Mocha,

  • Sara says:

    My mom always called it a crunt, B calls it a woman hole and I just call it my “area”.

    This really made me laugh! You are awesome~
    .-= Sara´s last blog ..X Games 2026 =-.

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