How To Tell If Someone Has A Disability

YOU CAN’T.

No really.  I know what you’re thinking.  “But of course you can, Jenn.  I’ve seen people in wheelchairs and they obviously have a disability, right? And that kid in my son’s preschool class who can’t walk or talk and has an aide… well, duh … disability!”

And you’re not wrong.

But you are wrong.

Not every disability is physical.  Not every disability is obvious.  Not every disability is instantly recognizable.

———————

This came up at Vista’s physio/sensory group again.

We’ve been going to this group for about two years.  It’s been good for V on so many levels.  It helps with her socialization, it definitely works on her sensory issues, it helps with her fine and gross motor.

But Vista looks and sounds normal compared to most of the other kids.

There are several new kids and mom’s to the group, right now.  So I knew this question would come sooner or later.  It always does.

“Why is Vista even here?  She looks fine to me.”

Yes.  I’m sure she does.

But you don’t notice how she doesn’t have the balance to walk up or down stairs without holding onto something.  You don’t notice her refusal to do most crafts because her hands might get dirty.  You don’t notice when we’re sitting in circle and her gaze goes vacant as she has a seizure.

Yes, I know she speaks very well.  But that’s the result of 2.5yrs of speech therapy, months spent signing, and countless hours spent reading together and working on her verbal skills.  But you don’t notice that she can’t blow out her birthday candles because she simply can’t coordinate her mouth to make that ‘O’ sound.  And you don’t notice how she mixes up syllables on certain words.  And you don’t notice how her mouth droops on one side in what looks like a mini-stroke when she tries to form words or sounds she’s not comfortable with.

I’m sure she seems charming and engaging.  That’s only because you haven’t seen her melt down and try to attack another child or hurt herself.  Her favorite thing right now, when she’s stressed, is to pinch her hand over and over until it bruises.  But you wouldn’t notice that.  All you see is my daughter sitting quietly while she does this.

And you can’t magically look into her brain and see that it looks like swiss cheese compared to most of the other kids there.

Vista is very adept at hiding her challenges.

But the fact is, my charming blond-haired, blue-eyed daughter is considered disabled.

Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t make it any less true.

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13 Responses to How To Tell If Someone Has A Disability

  • PsychMamma says:

    So, so true and an excellent reminder to all.

    Huge, HUGE hugs, sweets!
    xox

    Jenn Reply:

    @PsychMamma,

    Thanks sweets. xoxo

  • Heather says:

    She does not have swiss cheese brains! :)

    I love ya. Just hang on…it’s gonna be a bumpy, long, but wonderful ride. Cuz…you’ve got PsychMamma up there and me too to hold your hand.

    Jenn Reply:

    @Heather,

    Thanks mama. Love you lots.

    (and she does have swiss cheese brain. You should see her MRI. Her brain is full of holes. It’s kinda neat in a weird twisted medical kinda way)

  • yes. something all of us need to keep in mind.

  • Deidra23 says:

    So true!

    Also, Swiss cheese is wonderful!! It’s unique :)

  • Lu says:

    So true. I am seriously so sick of all the ASSuming. So wrong. Vista will continue to flourish b/c of you and Bil. Hang in there mama, I know some days/weeks are super hard. Love ya.

  • laura says:

    First off, thank you for the comment love on the deer.
    Second of all, I am SO WITH LU, people need to stop ASSuming, and she looks great to other who dont know because of you and her great daddy. Shes so special, in a million ways, not just bc of it.Many hugs and love to that beautiful blue eyed girl!!!

  • Michelle says:

    You’re right on the money (again). Hugs.

    Michelle Reply:

    As an interesting fact. They’ve done studies on outcomes of kids diagnosed with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder). All children with FASD are going to have some amount of brain damage, but only some have physical features that look different then “normal”. Even though children with physical features tend to have more brain damage, they also have better outcomes in life. Because people can see their disability, they often get more services, support and have expectations more appropriate to their abilities.

  • Mandi Bone says:

    I don’t look like I have something wrong with me and Evie doesn’t either except for some scars. I think that is hard for people to understand.

  • Chibi Jeebs says:

    Excellent post.

    We were all stunned silent when a doctor referred to my brother as “permanently disabled” after his car accident at the age of 18 – with all the plates/rods/screws in his body and the limitations to his mobility, it’s true, but shocking. You should have SEEN the dirty looks we’d get using the handicapped parking placard with him: he had four broken limbs, but no casts, so he didn’t LOOK broken.

    People need to remember to not make assumptions based on their snap judgements.

  • Excellent post.

    Also a mom to a kid like this.

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