It’s Not About Me. It’s Not About You.

My facebook and twitter feeds are filed with parents expressing their hurt, their fear, their grief over what happened at Sandy Hook.

And I’ve had nothing to say.

Nothing I COULD say.

Because the grief is not mine.

The grief belongs to those parents who lost children, to the siblings left behind.  The grief is for those families who lost a mother, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a niece or a nephew.

I cannot claim that grief.

As a parent I ache for the parents and families who grieve the loss of those children and women.

As a member of a close knit community I hurt for the the community grieving the loss of so many innocent lives.

As a member of society I rail against what has happened.

And as a special needs parent, I watch with concern as autism is linked with the words ‘violence’ in the media.

But in the end, I am but a bystander.

I refuse to make this about how I feel.  I refuse to make this about the killer – he who shall never be named on my blog.

This is about the victims.

This is about supporting the survivors.

This is about finding hope and peace again.

This is about making sure the names of the victims, not the killer, are remembered.

But this is not about me and it’s not about you.



Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

~ Mary Elizabeth Frye




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