Archive for the ‘Conversations with V’ Category

We have these wonderful things out here called a Chinook.

On Chinook days it will go from “Oh dear gawd I’m going to freeze my nipples off!” to “Hey, is it legal to go topless?” in a matter of a few hours. In terms of actual degrees, think 0C (32F) to 20C (68F). Yeah, radical.

While the sudden warm weather (minus the accompanying migraine ) is a nice change, there are some side effects… muddy, dirty, wet side effects.

Because sudden warm weather melts all that lovely snow that’s been sitting in my backyard. And melts it in a hurry.

Which means my quarter acre winter wonderland turns into a giant lake. A muddy, dirty, wet lake that two dogs and a toddler want to go play in. (and if you ever come over to my house you’ll understand why my floors are perpetually muddy in the spring).

With this latest thaw, and the fact the dogs have worn out the grass at the bottom of the deck, there’s a nice mud… well it’s not a puddle because there’s no water.  It’s just a big mud pit.

When Vista wanted to go out this afternoon, I first had to get her over the “Oh no!  Oh no, Mommy!  Mud!!”.  And then… well, it’s easier just to show you what happened next.

Needless to say, Bil is picking up some paving stones for that bottom area on his way home

Those of you that follow me on Twitter have probably heard about Sam.

Sam is Vista’s special friend.  And we’re pretty sure he’s a ghost.  Yeah, I’m living in a real life haunted house.

I can remember vividly the first time Sam showed up.  We we all  sitting in the living room and all  of the sudden Vista started to talk to ‘Sam’.  Sam was apparently standing right behind me as I sat on the couch *shudder*.   Vista was happily chattering to him and trying to hand him things.

Bil and I just looked at each other.  And decided she had an imaginary friend.  How nice for her.

But on the off chance, I called my mom and asked her if the name ‘Sam’ rang any bells for her.  As we ran through the family roster of the dead we came up blank.

I was still clinging tightly to the fact that this was an imaginary friend.  Perhaps, I reasoned, she’s talking about Sam from the Wiggles.  She loved watching the Wiggles at that point.  Perhaps she had just picked that name.  So, I put the Wiggles show on and when Sam showed up, I pointed to the TV and said “Look!  Sam!  Is that your Sam?”

I’m pretty sure Vista is going to be really good at that ‘OMG you are a complete moron’ look when she’s a teenager, because she threw that look at me and slowly explained to her idiot mother “Sam on TV,” pointing to the tele.  “Not Sam,” pointing to the other end of the room.

Well, fine.  Nix that idea.  But, I still wasn’t giving up on the imaginary friend idea.

Until the morning I went to get Vista dressed.  I conversationally asked her “Where’s Sam?”

She pointed to the floor next to her.

“Oh, he’s sitting next to you?” I said, very pleased with my deductive reasoning skills.

I got the ‘you’re an idiot’ look again and she patiently explained “No.  In ground…. buried there.”

I have to tell you, hearing your two year old tell you about someone being buried in the ground (they certainly don’t teach that on Dora or Sesame Street) is kind of a conversation killer.

So I changed gears.  Fine, Sam probably wasn’t just an imaginary friend if he’s buried in the ground.  So we played 20 questions with a 2 year old with limited vocabulary.

Q: Is Sam a boy or a girl?

A: Boy

Q: Is Sam a little boy like [cousin] or is he old like Daddy?

A: Like Daddy

Q:  Is he old like Grandpa or just old like Daddy?

A: Old like Daddy.

Alright, so we had a male ghost, somewhere in the 20 – 50 age range.

Q: Is he wearing a hat?

A: No.  He…  *at this point she started point to her forehead*

Q: Does he have an owie on his head?  A bandaid?

A: No…  *it took a few days, but we finally figured out that Vista was trying to tell us he was wearing a headband of some sort, after she started wearing insisting on wearing her hairbands around her forehead rather than to hold her hair back*

We continued playing these games.  Showing pictures, asking questions, guessing answers.  Near as we can tell, Sam is an adult male, Native American, ghost… who likes to swear.

Oh, did I forget that part?

Yeah, I came in one day to get Vista up from a nap and she was happily chattering to Sam.  And they were talking about ’sunny beaches’

I sent Vista out of the room to go play in the living room, and turned to (where I thought) Sam was.  I gently explained to him ‘Listen here you son of a bitch.  You teach my daughter to fucking swear and I will exorcise your ghosty ass.  Are we clear?’

I’m assuming he got the message, because there’s been no more mention of sunny beaches or any beaches for that matter.

But then, a few months ago, Sam went away suddenly.  Vista explained he had gone to the mountains for a while.  I smiled and nodded like this made sense and figured maybe we were rid of our ghost for good.  Not that I really minded him.  I mean, he seemed to be friendly enough.  And Vista certainly enjoyed talking to him.  On days when he would chat with her as she woke up from a nap I could here fits of giggles.  But still.  A haunted house really doesn’t draw friends to want to come over for coffee.

Months went by, and no Sam.  Until about a week ago.

Vista woke up and started talking about Sam again.  I figured, not a big deal.  So he’s back.  Good for him.

But, something’s changed.  Or rather he’s changed.  He seems to want to be more helpful.  Which is nice… but, dude, it’s creeping me the fuck out.

The first incident was the other day when Vista and I were in the living room.  She was dancing around and I said “Should mommy put some music on so you can dance?”

As soon as I said that the DVD player turned on.  Now, that, in and of itself, I could ignore.  But we have one of those fancy players that also acts as a radio tuner and you can hook your ipod into it.  We have never use the radio part (because the reception is crap and while I’m pretty sure there’s something we could do to fix that, we’ve never bothered and just don’t use it), and very rarely use the ipod dock, so it’s always set to play DVDs.  Except when it turned on, it was set to a radio station playing music.

OK, I must have sat on the remote or something and accidentally turned it on.

Except when I stood up to look, I saw the remote sitting across the room from Vista and I.

I looked at V.  “Where’s Sam?”

“He just went outside”

“Yeah I bet he did.  Tell ghosty boy to quit touching Mommy’s technology”

I walked over and shut the DVD player off.  I wasn’t in the mood for dancing anymore.

Then the other day, I went to put Vista down for a nap.  She laid down in her crib and I was tucking her in asking her if she wanted me to put her white noise machine on for her… when her Winnie the Pooh music box turned on by itself.  Neither Vista nor I were anywhere near it.  And not only that, it’s not a little push button switch to turn on, that I could have hit accidentally this time.  It’s a slider.  And to put it on the song and setting that it was on the slider has to be slid down from it’s off position at the top, alllllll the way down to the bottom position.

I turned it off.

“Where’s Sam?”

She pointed to the end of her crib.

“Could you tell him to stop doing stuff like that please.  It’s creeping Mama out.”

I got a nod from her.  I finished tucking her in and let her sleep.

Oh, but the best was yet to come.

This morning I woke up to hear Vista chattering through the baby monitor (Yes, she’s 2.5 and we still use a baby monitor.  Don’t judge).

I looked at the clock.  7:00am.  Bil would have gone to work a few hours ago.  So it was time to get up and grab a quick shower before I went in to get her.

Until I heard a male voice respond to one of Vista’s chattering questions.

A voice that I didn’t recognize.

A voice that certainly wasn’t her father’s.

I went racing out of my room and threw open her door…. only to find her alone in her crib.  With no one else in the room.

“Hi Mama!”

“Hi baby.  Who were you talking to just now?”

“Sam….and my dollies”

Holy fuck.  Had I just heard her ghost over the baby monitor???  Are you fucking kidding me??

I’ve come to the conclusion we have one of two things going on here.

Either

1. Vista has a friendly ghost who watches over her and likes to make sure she’s happy.  And who now seems to be able to turn on things in the house and make himself heard…..or
2. I’m loosing my ever living fucking mind

I’m kinda leaning towards number two.

Me:  “Vista, what color is mommy’s shirt?”

Vista:  “Ummmm… black?”

Me: “Actually this is green.  It’s called olive.  Can you say olive?”

Vista: “Awful”

Me: “No… allllll-live.  Olive.  The O is a ‘awe’ sound.  You try.  Olive.”

Vista: “Awful”

Me:  “Are you trying to tell me something?  You’re a little young to tell mommy how to dress considering you still can’t dress yourself.”

Me:  “What are you doing, sweetie?”

Vista: “Wings!”

Me: “You have wings?”

Vista: “Yes!”

Me: “I see.  And where did you get wings from?”

Vista: “Cats!”

Me: “Uh-huh.  The cats gave you wings.”

Vista: “Yeah!”

Me: “And how big are your wings?”

Vista: “La-llow!”

Me: “Oh, they’re yellow wings?”

Vista: “Yeah! And boo!”

Me: “Yellow and blue wings.  Huh.  And…uh…what are you going to do with these wings?”

Vista: “PARTY!”

I wonder if this is her way of telling me she’s going to be a Scene Kid?

There are days where having to deal with a kid who doesn’t speak in full sentences is enough to make me want to jump onto the nearest available freeway.

But some days have a 2 year old who doesn’t fully comprehend everything I say (but likes to act like she does) sure comes in handy.  Take tonight for example…

Me:  “OK, time for a bottle and we’ll go to bed?”

Vista:  “No.”

Me: “Yup,  it’s time for a bottle and bed.”

Vista: “Mmmmm… Nope.”

Me: *pondering how get her in to bed without a fight* “Do you want some blue coffee?”

Vista: “Yeah!”

So I made her a bottle, told her it was blue coffee, and everyone was happy.

Something tells me that’s not going to work so well five years from now.