Latin names always freak me out.  Take rosacea for example. Sounds more like a skin condition than the family of flowers known as the rose.

Oh wait… it is a skin condition too. Well nix that.

But you see what I mean. Latin names are confusing.

You don’t tell a woman she has a nice gluteus maximus. No of course not. You complement her on her fabulously toned ass, which she’s obviously spent hours in the gym for, and isn’t it nice that she has that kind of time, while the rest of us sit around eating bon-bons all day in our muumuus. Pass the chocolate please.

Same as you don’t talk about bumping your ulnar nerve. No, you hit your damn funny bone which isn’t so funny when it’s your own elbow, is it? Ha! Who’s laughing now?

And how many of you pick umbilicus lint? Show of hands? Well there you go. Although apparently some people have a fetish for it.

My point is, Latin is the root of many body parts. But the English language has mangled it or ditched it all together in favor of the comfortable, the known, the easy to pronounce.

So….

Why the hell haven’t we done that for our own vaginas? Oh sure we have nicknames for it.

• Vajayjay.
• Hoo-ha.
• Beaver – my personal Canadian favorite
• For those who don’t wax – Bearded Oyster
• Cooter (I’ve always wondered if this was where the word ‘cooties’ came from).
• And for those who are really fru fru and need to get their heads out of their asses (sorry, anal cavity) – Flower

But we haven’t really come up with one solid, specific name to replace the dreaded ‘vagina’.

And things just go downhill when you start talking about the rest of the bits down there.

Clitoris. Sounds like a celestial body, doesn’t it. You know. ‘Clitoris; second star to the right and straight on till morning’.

Then you have ‘mons pubis’ which I’m pretty sure is a mountain on a moon circling around Venus. (If your first thought was ‘Hey, Venus has no moons’ you are a) TOTALLY missing the point here and b) in serious need of a sex life)

And don’t forget about the two constellations Labia Minora and Labia Majora.

No wonder men are clueless about how things down there work, when WE can’t even pronounce them.

The only word down there that is recognizable to them is ‘hood’, but in typical fashion, half of them these days look under a hood and have no idea what to do with what’s there.

So I vote we rename everything. Start with a clean slate. Something maybe men will relate to and want to play with (I was thinking penis, but that’s already been taken).

Or maybe we just need to start renaming things men like.  The Heisman Trophy could easily become the Hymen trophy, right?

So lets hear it.  What would your naming theme be?  Sports? Women’s Magazines?  Car parts (since we’re already started down that path anyway)?

With life getting in the way, I find there are lots of people I don’t get to talk to as much as I would like these days.

But despite that fact, they could be my wingmen (wingwomen?) any time.

• Sara3isenough – she’s my personal shopper, well, Vista’s personal shopper.  I can always count on her to find me some great summer clothes for V that are perfectly her style and at a fraction of the cost I’d pay for them up here (*cough* Canadian outlet stores suck *cough*).  And shopping aside?  She’s sweet as can be and her kids are A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E!
• TheMaggers – Most people I know who are upbeat, supportive, and cheerful all the time, make me want to bitch slap them for being so fucking perky.  Especially when they pull that shit first thing in the morning.  Unless it’s Magda.  Because I love her like chocolate cake.  Nuff said
• Sweet_Life – In addition to dealing with a special needs child she’s also facing her own medical drama right now.  So, I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed for her, right now, that everything will come out OK.  Because, really?  She’s way to nice to be dealing with this kind of crap in her life.  And just to prove how nice she is? You need to start following this next person.
• Tres_Hearts - when Chrissi’s chocolate lab went missing last year, she was heartbroken.  This was the dog that had been the comfort and link to sanity for her and her husband after her son passed away.  Enter Sweet_Life.  When she heard about this, she offered to hold one of the pups from her lab’s latest litter (see what I mean about the nice part?).  Next week Chrissi is getting her new puppy!  (SQUEEEEE)  So if you love rolly-polly puppy pics like I do, then this is going to be the lady to follow.

If you’d like to play along on Follow Friday, than link up, and if you’re so inclined, grab a badge.

*smooches*

<a href="http://www.princessjenn.com/?cat=114" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="Princess Jenn’s ‘Follow Friday’" src="http://i771.photobucket.com/albums/xx353/designsbyprincessjenn/Followfriday.jpg" /></a>

 

 

Sometimes I feel like, as a mom, I have these wonderful, magical powers.

Have a boo-boo?  One kiss from my lips makes it feel all better.

Crying over spilt milk?  One hug with my arms wrapped around you makes it feel all better.

Scratches, scrapes, hurt feelings, and insecurities are no match for my mommy powers.

But right now we’re battling sometime that can’t be fixed.

Vista’s brain.

Would it be ironic to say that it has a mind of it’s own?

Because some days it really feels that way.

We finally got her EEG booked for March 9th.  Yeah, a month away.  This will be her third and that’s 3 too many.  Believe it or not, out of all the tests she’s had in her life, these EEG’s are the worst, because it involves me holding her down while she screams and cries and screams as they attach the electrodes to her head.  After getting her all worked up, I have to calm her down enough to fall asleep.  And after sleeping for 10 minutes or less, I get to wake her up.  I end up going home after them and crying as Vista clings to Bil wanting nothing to do with me.  And I can’t blame her.  I wouldn’t like me much either after all that.

But what’s the most frustrating is that I know the test will come back normal.  Just like the last two.  So I have to put her through all that for nothing.  Or rather, so we can see the neurologists so they can tell us “Yep, everything still looks OK, other than her normal brain malformations.  We don’t know why she’s seizuring or why she regressed so much after her last seizure.”

Did I mention being a mom also makes you a psychic?

I had a long talk with Vista’s Speech and Language Pathologist yesterday as she put V through her paces.  She’s confirmed for me that it’s not uncommon for people to regress after every seizure.  It’s just something that is.  And will be forever.  As in, when she’s an adult and has a seizure, she will experience loss of skills.

I watched, as we talked, as Vista struggled with a toy that a month ago had been a breeze for her to play with it.  A toy whose ins and outs she had mastered.  Now, it’s like she’s seeing it for the first time.

It makes me sad for her.  It makes me frustrated for her.  It makes me angry for her.

And Vista is all of those things right now as she struggles to make herself understood.  She went from being a toddler who was well on her way to being at a normal speech level.  She was talking in sentences.  She was easy and clear to understand.

Now our days are filled with “I’m sorry, sweetie, I don’t know what you’re saying” and she screams the same garbled words at me over and over hoping that volume will make me get what she is trying so hard to communicate.  Words that only weeks ago, I understood perfectly.

How do you explain to a two year old that half of what she’s trying to say is now reduced to babble sounds?  You can’t.   How do you explain that even though she was able to open that door a few weeks ago, it’s going to take some time for her to learn how to do that again?

So the next couple of months will be spent trying to return her words and motor skills to her.  And trying to manage the frustration and anger, both hers and ours.

I’m hoping one day we’ll learn this dance.  One step forward, two steps back, side shuffle, side shuffle. This stumbling along, trying to figure out what comes next is making my brain and heart hurt.

Nic over at My Bottle’s Up was sweet enough to grace me with the Beautiful Blogger Award last week.

I hate to say it, but I’m just insecure enough that little things like this make me feel validated.  And I need that boost some days.  Otherwise I fall into the ‘why am I bothering to blog’ trap.  And I’ve been feeling that way quite a bit lately.  Which is why I haven’t been as active on here or on Twitter.

I find myself on the brink of unplugging and walking away.

And it’s not that I don’t enjoy blogging, because I love having a place to vent and mull and share.  And I love the support and friendship I get from Twitter.

But the past few weeks…  I don’t know.  I couldn’t even say what it is that’s making me feel like this.  Maybe I’m just burnt out from real life stuff.

Anyway, that’s my really long winded, whiny way of saying ‘Thanks Nic.  I needed the pick me up’

So, the ‘rules’ of this award:

1. Thank the person who nominated me for this award  (Thanks Nic!)
2. Copy the award & place it on my blog. (see the pretty picture up above?)
3. Link to the person who nominated me for this award.  (linky love…right here!)
4. Share 7 interesting things about myself  (oh gawd…really?  Well, fine.  Feel free to skip it and look at the pretty blog award up top instead, though)
5. Nominate 7 other beautiful bloggers  (think, think, think… who do I want to know more about….)

Seven things you always wanted to know about me, but were afraid to ask:
(aka. seven random things because I’m lacking creativity)

1. Part of me really wants to go back to work, at least part time.  But putting Vista in  daycare is totally out of the question right now. And working evenings after a full-on day with her isn’t really realistic.  Nor is leaving Bil to watch her after he’s worked all day.  So, that whole working thing?  Not gonna happen any time soon.  Guess that means I’ll just have to force people to let me redesign their blogs instead.
2. I think we’ve pretty much decided not to expand our family.  When Bil and I were out shopping the other day we saw some adorable baby clothes and our reaction was ‘Wouldn’t this have looked cute on Vista… we should get a doll for her that she can dress in these clothes’, not ‘OMG, I wish I had a baby so I could buy these clothes’.   I almost feel like I should feel some sadness at the thought of not having anymore kids, but all I get is a sense of relief.  But I still want babies to hug and snuggle, so y’all better get on popping a few out for me.
3. We have a huge backyard at our house (think a quarter acre – about 3 normal city lots) that is wide open right now.  I know exactly what I’d like to do to it, but I’m landscaping inept and don’t know where to start.  I also kill plants just by looking at them.  It’s true.
4. I think it’s important for kids to grow up with pets.  I see the difference in the way Vista approaches animals compared to children who don’t have animals in the house.  I like that she understands not to rush up to a dog (that’s not hers), and is gentle petting other cats (even though she insists on loving her cat practically to death)
5. Bil and I are toying with the idea of pulling Vista out of school for a year when she’s older and spending it traveling across North America and Europe.  The ultimate first-hand learning experience.
6. I love to craft.  It’s a creative outlet for me.  Cross stitching, crocheting, scrapbooking… love them all.
7. I crave change sometimes.  Rearranging furniture makes me happy.  I want to repaint our house  (it’s been the same colors for 5 years.  That’s about 3 years too long).  And I’m dying to redo Vista’s room but I’m looking for inspiration.  I think it’ll be a pink and brown stripes or polka dot theme, but haven’t found exactly the right look yet (any interior decorators want a project?  lol)

Now, to stress 7 of my friends into having to come up with 7 things about themselves…

• First on the list is Ally.  Sweet and sensitive, she’s beautiful inside and out.  And also because I think I have a right to know all her dirty little secrets before I snuggle with her in August.
• Next up is Lu.  I’ve suckered her and her gimp ankle into taking over BlogHer@Home bandwagon (watch for her to launch it in early March!), so I figure, at the very least, I owe her an award for that.  The fact that she still manages to make us all laugh (painkillers not withstanding) about her physical therapy trials and tribulations is a bonus.
• And I can’t leave out my other BlogHer@Home bitch (yeah, I managed to sucker more than one person into taking this over while I party in NYC!  Can you believe it?).  So ThePsychobabble definitely has to be on this list.  Passionate and opinionated.  And her name is Jennifer too.  *love*
• Someone who’s been making me smile a lot lately is Ashlee over at Brain of a Mommy.  She as a cool new camera that she’s taking pretty pictures with.  But I’m not jealous (much).
• For not being afraid to tell it like it is and stand up for her opinions, I send love, awards, and accolades over to Kim at Beautiful Wreck.
• One mom I totally look up to, who continually awes me with her perseverance and endurance in the face of adversity, is Heather from Our Incredible Journey.  I don’t know how she’s still awake most days, never mind sane.
• And last, but never least, she brightens my days with her friendship.   My beautiful blogger list would never be complete without my friend Colleen.

My Follow Friday post was bumped when Vista got scheduled for an early Friday morning CT scan, late Thursday afternoon. This came about after talking to our family doctor about some regression we were seeing since her last seizure. Apparently regression can be a sign of a stroke, so they wanted a scan to make sure that wasn’t the case (and it’s not… the scan is fine as far as we know). Now we’re just waiting for them to schedule an EEG for her, which, I can tell you right now, will also come back normal.

As we pulled up to the hospital Friday morning, though, Vista chirped from the back seat “Oh! The hospital. We go see doctor?”

My heart broke a little. No two year old should recognize the hospital from the outside of the building. No child should know that pulling up to a hospital means a doctor is involved.

And it made me think of all the reasons she’s been to the hospital and all the different doctors we’ve seen there in the past two and half years.

Some of those reasons have been as a result of her brain issues. But a lot have been because she was born to early and the fact that her system just wasn’t developed enough to handle all the things it needed to.

And so this Follow Friday is dedicated to Heather’s Maddie, who was also born to soon. And it’s dedicated to my friends who are walking in Maddie’s memory to raise money for the March of Dimes, so that one day no child will have to deal with endless doctors visits because of complications from prematurity.

• Messponential - I love Colleen. Her and I talk almost every day, even though we live a country and two time zones apart.  I cried when she told me that this year she’s not only marching for Maddie, but for Vista as well.  If you’d like to support Colleen in her walk, too, you can  click here.
• Adil320 - Ally is one of my roomies for BlogHer this year.  I’m also dragging her to get inked with me while I’m down there (just don’t tell her husband that I’m a bad influence, kai?).  In addition to Maddie, Ally is also marching for her close friend’s baby girl, Natalie Diana, who was born at 31 weeks.  You can read more about why Ally’s marching, and support her, on her March for Babies page
• Mom2snk - Meredith and I first met through our husbands (yes, we’re both SharePoint widows).  And in a weird, 6 degrees of separation twist, found out she’s also friends with Colleen.  She’ll be joining Colleen on April 24th in for the Jacksonville Friends of Maddie

If you make one $5 donation this year, I would encourage you to consider the March of Dimes.

I love how creative kids can be. With just a little prompting in the right direction, their imaginations really take off.

So when I was hanging out at my friend Lee’s the other evening, and she pulled out her daughters latest school writing assignment, I couldn’t wait to see what she had come up.

Let me introduce you to Giannia.  She may only be 10 years old (yeah, I know she looks more like 16, but trust me on the 10 thing. I was at her birthday party), but this is the future of blogging right here.  Quite frankly I know many bloggers who can’t even write this well (I’m often in that group).

So with Gianna’s gracious permission, I’m posting the fake news article she wrote for her class project, for your Monday evening amusement.

 

 

*Just a quick pre-note for my American friends:  Stephen Harper is our Prime Minister.  The equivelent to that Obama dude you guys have down there*

---

Prime Minister Harper

Written By: Gianna B [untrue story]

Prime Minister Harper has offered $56,000,000 to who ever can turn vanilla pudding into fuel and gas.  He announced this on Jan 21st, 2010 in Banff AB Canada.  Many thought why? Mr. Harper [quote-on-quote] said “My dear peoples, #1 we no longer have other options #2 this will drastically help our earth, and #3 I hate vanilla pudding, good luck I am off to Italy”.  Who knows how? [Who elected this guy?]

Mr. Harper has also decide we are to take over Hawaii.  “We will sell it back to the U.S. for $10 so I may get one of those awesome bookmarkers with the fuzzy animal at the top, thank you”  Prime Minister Harper says this on a clip after a romantic horror movie.  His plan now is to threaten to blow up Mr. Obama’s presidential spa.

Where is the army in this? Asks the press but the army is still no where to be seen.  Once again I say who elected this dude.

Get your ballads ready our president is leaving for Mars.  He didn’t even bother to announce it this time folks!  Is he an alien quiet possibly?  He believes that if something is to be done right ask the president!  Watch before you ote this time folks.

---

 

 

Watch out world. You’re never going to know what hit you when Gianna becomes a famous writter. But I’m the only one who can say I knew her when.

As much as I detest trolls, sometimes I grudgingly have to admit their asinine comments make me pause and consider.

Such was the troll that left this comment on Maria’s (BOREDMommy) blog the other day:

Why is it that you call yourselves “mommies”? It’s infantile, like being called a girl instead of a woman. If giving birth (or adopting) and raising a child is so important, why don’t you insist on the dignity of the word “parent”? Or “mother” — if you insist on focusing on gender as well? I am a parent and I was “mommie” only to my children and then only when they were young. No wonder men and childfree women don’t take you seriously: You are endlessly self-absorbed, boring, juvenile, and have nothing to say for yourselves beyond your reproductive status and childrearing.

OK, I have to admit that my first thought was, ‘*snort* Wow…..bitter much?’

But then I stopped.  Do I mind being called a ‘Mommy’ or even lumped in with ‘Mommy bloggers’?

You know… I really don’t.

To me ‘mother’ or even ‘parent’ is a cold, impersonal, standoffish word.

And Vista never refers to me as ‘Mother’.  Ever.  That would just be weird.

To her I’m ‘Mama’ and ‘Mommy’.  So do I associate with that name?  You bet.  Because, as far as my 2 year old is concerned, that is my name.  I have no other identity other than Mommy.  She doesn’t know me as Jenn, same as she doesn’t know Daddy as Bil.  We are Mommy and Daddy.

And I love the simplicity of that.

To me it’s not infantile, it’s innocence at it’s very best.  It speaks to a time when your parents are not adults put on this earth for the express purpose of oppressing you.  It is that sweet time between self awareness and total independence when your child reaches for you to know they are safe, secure, loved.

In time, I’m sure my name will morph. It’ll go from Mommy, to Mom, to OMG! MoooooooooommmmmmGawdYou’reEmbarassingME!

But right now, I’m thrilled to be Mommy.  And I couldn’t possibly think of a sweeter sound than my daughter calling my name.

Are you proud to be a Mommy too?  Head over to BOREdMommy’s site and link up your own post.

I’m one of those people that it’s not just looks that makes someone attractive to me.  It has to be a whole package deal.

Beauty, brains, personality… yeah, I’m greedy like that.

So here are a few of the “Mommy’s” I follow on Twitter that are the full meal deal.  And that I’d totally hit given the opportunity.

• MommyGeekology – You might remember her from my Relationship Series.  Well, in addition to being a wild woman in the bedroom, she’s also a brilliant web designer.  See…smart AND sexy.
• MommyNeedsMeds – This woman puts the YUM in yummymommy.  And she still manages to look kick ass hawt wile running after five (yes, count them, 5) kids.  Yet she still finds time to be a witty on Twitter.  It exhausts me just thinking about it.
• BrainofaMommy - Smart, sassy, snarky.  And ooooohhhh… so cute.  Her unapologetic style also really turns me on.

If you’d like to play along on Follow Friday, than link up, and if you’re so inclined, grab a badge.

*smooches*

<a href=”http://www.princessjenn.com/?cat=114″ target=”_blank”><img border=”0″ alt=”Princess Jenn’s ‘Follow Friday’” src=”http://i771.photobucket.com/albums/xx353/designsbyprincessjenn/Followfriday.jpg” /></a>

As I sat on the couch last night and tried to finish up a client ezine, Vista got up from the floor where she was using Bil as a jungle gym, grabbed her ‘laptop’, and climbed up on the couch next to me.

Part of me laughed, but there was a little part of me that was completely horrified. I want her to be two. I want her to play with blocks and barbies. I want her to create with paintbrush not Paint.Net.

So I watched the great interest when Momspotting was launched on BlogHer back in November. I wanted to see how other moms handled technology with their children. I wanted to see how they navigated this digital minefield.

I have to say, I’ve been a bit disappointed so far.

Momspotting has become less about families and technology and more about being in an exclusive group.

It’s easy to find this group of moms. Just do a search on Twitter for the hashtag #momspotting.

Oh, but don’t use it yourself. Oh no. That hash tag is just for this exclusive group. If you use it and they catch you, you will be sent a sternly worded DM or email letting you know that YOU are not a Momspotter and THEY are and YOU can’t use #momspotting because it’s only for THEM.

I wish I was kidding, but I’m not.

I’ve never personally gotten one of these gems myself, but I have several friends who have and have showed me the polite, but stern, ‘you’re not one of us’ notes.

So instead of Momspotting opening a dialogue about how we protect and direct our children in this age of technology, it’s become a marker to denote a closed group. This has been evidenced by more and more of these tweets having nothing to do with technology (and wasn’t that the point?)

I think this was a noble initiative. And it had (and still does have) huge potential. But it needs to be an inclusive conversation starter.

Rather than having these 20 or so moms ‘owning’ this hashtag, why not make them the leaders instead? Let them prompt, coach, and encourage everyone to share their own experiences, their own tips, their own rules around technology and their families.

But by shutting people down when they try to participate and use the #momspotting tag, they’re nullifying a huge part of the effect they could have. People want to be part of a conversation, not just spoken at.

Actually that should probably be ‘if I ever grow up’ but who’s counting?

This week I’m sharing with you the ladies that I admire and respect.  Not because they have a lot of followers or win awards or anything like that.

These women exemplify what great writing is.  They are smart, witty, and not afraid to have an opinion.  And yet, not so high on their horse that you can’t have a conversation with them.

• MommyMelee – This is one lady who’s not afraid to voice her opinions and stand by them.  And her writing on her blog is what I aspire to.  Sometimes witty, sometimes controversial, sometimes raw, but always elegant.
• MommyWantsVodka – I adore Aunt Becky.  She has that sharp sense of humor that gets right to the point and makes you snort your drink out of your nose.  Seriously.  She’s also up for a Bloggie award, so you should totally go vote for her (just scroll to the right and look for her under ‘most humorous weblog’)
• Looneytunes – Loralee is amazing when it comes to evoking emotion.  You’ll laugh with her, you’ll cry with her, but mostly, you’ll love her.
• And a quick ‘bonus’ follow.  I just started following byflutter.  Her hilarious passive / aggressive commentary on Facebook is my must read blog post of this week.

If you’d like to play along on Follow Friday, than link up, and if you’re so inclined, grab a badge.

*smooches*

<a href="http://www.princessjenn.com/?cat=114" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="Princess Jenn’s ‘Follow Friday’" src="http://i771.photobucket.com/albums/xx353/designsbyprincessjenn/Followfriday.jpg" /></a>