I’m starting to get that jittery, antsy feeling.  You know the one when you’ve had too much coffee.

That’s how I get when a trip is looming.

I want it to hurry up and get here.  I’m restless to get going.

Unlike 50% of the people going to the BlogHer conference, I’m not going to need Xanax to get me through the trip.

Years of having to travel for work have made it such a way of life that I miss it now that I’m not doing it anymore.

I need to roam and explore.

When I’m stuck in the same city for too long I feel that familar longing of wanting to GO somewhere.  Anywhere.  Just for the change of scenery.  Just to get in the car and drive.

So, I’m looking forward to my NYC trip.  Looking forward to meeting up with my roomies , people watching at parties, and even living out of a suitcase in a hotel.

I’ll be flying into Philly on Aug 3 to pester Ally and her family for an evening.  Then her husband was blackmailed coerced badgered generously offered to drive us up to New York on the 4th, to save us the train ride.  It has nothing to do with the fact that it’ll allow us to bring more liquor up with us that way.  Nothing at all.

The best thing about the 4th?  It’s also My BIRTHDAY!  Oh yeah!  Party in New York!!

We’ll be hitting the karoke scene Wednesday night (don’t worry, I can’t sing either) with QueenMommy and her crew.  We’d love to have you join us!

If you’re reading this, then we also need to hook up for hugs / drinks / fondling / etc.  So DM me your cell number so we can track each other down.  I have a few numbers already, but there are a ton of you I want to hook up with and I’ll need a way to stalk you track you down.

See you in less than two weeks!  (SQUEEEEE!!)

Sometimes I look at Vista and there’s this sense of awe and amazement that this little child is mine.

But as each day passes, she’s less ‘mine’ and more her own person.

Sometimes I have to remind myself to step back and remember that the way she reacts to things isn’t necessarily going to be the same way I react to things.

She has her own way of doing things.  And is definite about how her world is structured.

As time goes on, we realize more and more, that she’s not fitting into our world but molding us into what she needs her world to be.

And that’s not without it’s challenges sometimes.

One of our biggest frustrations has been around asking her to do simple things.  Every day tasks.  Using words she knows. And yet there seems to be no comprehension.

We assumed it was her three year old self being, well, a three year old.  Defiant.  Willful.  All the things a child that age can tend towards.

Until we did one of a speech and language assessment with her a few weeks ago.

Her verbal scores came back as expected.   She’s progressing wonderfully in her talking and ability to communicate.

Her receptive scores, those that indicate her ability to take in and process what we’re saying, were a surprise.

Despite the fact she knows the words, the meaning doesn’t always translate when you speak with her.

So when we we’re frustrated over her seeming lack of comprehension, it’s because… yeah… she really doesn’t understand.

Complete *headdesk* moment.

A neuropathway issue.  Apparently it’s not all together uncommon in kids with her types of brain malformations.

But now we know.  And that means we can start focusing on trying to rewire those pathways.  Because a childs brain is an amazing, changing, thing.

She may not understand us, but we’re slowly learning to understand her better.  And changing the way we do things to help her be who we know she can be.

We’ve started adding back in some signing, to see if visual cues help with the comprehension.  But beyond that, we don’t have a lot to go on.

So I’m turning to my brilliant blogging / twitter friends.

Suggestions on what you would do?  What you’ve seen work? What you think we could try?

Bil walked in the door Thursday after work, and hadn’t even put his laptop bag down before he was standing in front of me asking,

“How do you feel about values?”

Uhhhh….

I ran through the possible meanings in my head.

Values in an Excel cell?  No… I use Excel way more than he does. And he doesn’t even know how to do pivot tables. Amateur.

HTML values?  No… probably not.

Hmmmm….

“Is this something to do with SharePoint and a database?”

I get an eyeroll as a response.

“No!  I mean relationship values”

Me:  *blank look*

Him: “So, what do you think about values?”

Me:  *still blank look*

=======================

Conversations like these are the joys of having a husband who is not only a geek but is on the Asperger’s spectrum.

It’s wildly enlightening and mildly infuriating at the same time.

=======================

Bil: “So I was listening to one of Hanselman’s podcasts… ”

Translation:  Scott Hanselman: highly respected ubergeek.  Podcast: Like a recorded radio show for the computer

“…and he was talking about relationships and creating a mission statement…”

Me:  “Wait… what?  Why was Hanselman talking about relationships????”

Translation: Geeks giving other geeks relationship advice?  Oh this ought to be good.

Bil: “Well, he had his wife on the show and they were talking about what made their relationship work and they created this mission statement for their marriage…”

Me: “Is she a project manager?”

Bil: “WHAT?”

Me: “Is she a project manager?  Or is he?  One of them has to be a project manager.”

Bil: “Why would one of them have to be a project manager??”  *getting exasperated*

Me: “Dude.  Seriously?  ‘Mission Statement’?  That is classic project management speak.  You don’t create a mission statement for a relationship, you create it for a project.”

Bil: “Well they created one for their relationship, OK…”

Me: “Do they use a gantt chart to assign tasks and stuff?”

Bil: *blank look*

=======================

Well, after a conversation like that I couldn’t help but listen to the podcast myself.

It’s an interesting premise, treating a relationship more like a project and less like something that just… well… is.

Scott and his wife Mo did indeed create a mission statement for their marriage.

“Have a drama-free marriage”

I really can’t argue with that.

Seems like a fair goal to work towards in any relationship.

But they’ve incorporated other aspects of project management into their relationship.

• Budgeting - Each person has a cash allowance for the month.  There is no answering to the other person for how you spend this money.  It’s at your discretion.  But you have to budget your money wisely.  If you blow it all at the beginning of the month, too bad – so sad.  This money is only to be used for ‘fun’ stuff.  Monthly expenses come out of a shared account.
• Scheduling time off – each week one of them gets an evening to themselves.  This is not a date night.  This is time to get out of the house, by yourself, and recharge, while your spouse watches the kids.  It’s scheduled, it’s guilt free, and did I mention you get out of the house without the kids?
• Teamwork – this means presenting a united front to the kids and not letting them play the “well mommy said I could” game.
• Transparency - this aspect is especially important for trust in a relationship.  They share passwords.  The theory being, if you have nothing to hide, then, really, what’s the issue?

I will admit to rolling my eyes at first at the idea of creating a structured framework for your relationship to run on.

But really?  Everything they talk about is (or should be) common sense.

And I wonder if adding more structure would make us more aware of the work that needs to go into a relationship to keep it running smoothly and less likely to take it all for granted.

Would you want to add more defined expectations to your marriage?  What would make your relationship run smoother?

I was chatting with Karen on Twitter last night when she told me about entering a sponsorship opportunity, hosted by An Island Life and on Barefoot Mommies, for BlogHer.

My jaw dropped at the amount. Energizer is offering $2000 sponsorship for BlogHer expenses. OMG. This is the stuff that dreams are made of!

My first thought was ‘Thanks Karen. Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into,” because, of course, now I have to enter it. That’s a lot of money when it comes to a conference on the other side of the continent and in another country. I know there’s no place like home, but who doesn’t want to experience NYC at least once?

So when I woke up this morning, I looked in the mirror and asked myself ‘Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?”. Maybe.

But then again, what do I have to lose? I wish I had unlimited everything at my disposal, but it’s not like I’m Bond….James Bond or anything. And in lieu of a sports car with guns in it, $2000 would be awesome.

It would certainly help out more than just me. It’s not like I’m being greedy, even though greed, for lack of a better word, is good. $2000 would cover the room costs and give my three roomies some extra spending money too. Just think of how many martini’s $2K would buy (Shaken, not stirred, of course)

I could also use some of that money to buy a couple of Energizer Smart Chargers.  Because 4 people in a room, + 4 laptops, +4 cameras, + 4 cell phones, + 4 of a lot of other things = a lot of battery power.

But then I realized, Houston, we have a problem. I have to come up with something interesting enough to grab their attention.

I’m not the type to jump up and down on a couch screaming ‘show me the money!‘

I really don’t have any special amazing talents. It’s not like I see dead people (that’s Vista’s forte).

I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.

So, I’m really hoping An Island Life and on Barefoot Mommies read this post and immediately think “You had me at ‘hello’”.

But even if I don’t win, we’ll always have Paris NYC

**I’ve hate asking you guys to retweet anything for me, but I’m asking now, cause, OMG, $2000!  Could you let Kailani and BarefootMomma know that they should pick me for one of the sponsorship opportunities and use the hashtag #energizer?  I’ll love you forever!  xoxo**

I just realized I haven’t posted in over a week.   I guess that’s what happens when everyone decides they want new blog designs for BlogHer.   Keeps me busy and out of trouble, but also off my own blog.

And it give me some up close and personal time with my Photoshop.

I have to say it’s probably my most favorite application on my entire computer.  I would cry, like seriously sob, if I ever had to give it up.

It’s an addicting application though.  Dangerously addicting.  There are so many little plugins and actions and brushes available for free on the internet.  It’s hard not to want them all.

My biggest downfall, though, is fonts.

I am a font whore.

There.  I said it.  Now my dirty little secret is out.

I have way too many fonts on my laptop.  It currently sits at 1,623.

That’s down from about 2,300 after I cleaned house and dumped a bunch of fonts that just didn’t tickle my fancy anymore.

Sometimes I’ll spend hours looking for the perfect font for a design.  And half the time I can’t find it in my 1,600+ fonts so I go download new ones.

I’m all about the free fonts on dafont.com

I drool over the font newsletter I get from MyFonts.com

Seriously.  I have issues.

When you spend so much time pouring over the perfect font you start learning things about them.

Like that it’s hard to find a font with a really nice capital K.  (I’m partial to Bickham Script Fancy 2 for that … I used it for Kim’s signature for her BlogHer at Home posts *cough* link NSFW (not safe for work) *cough*

Like how in a lot of script fonts the lower case L’s look like cursive B’s.

Like how so many fonts have flawed letter combinations.

Then there’s fonts that I love but doubt I’ll ever actually find a design I can use it in.  Like Fantastic Pete and Jellyka Castle’s Queen.

Yes, decorative fonts are my special weakness.

My ultimate search, though, has been for the perfect cursive font.  It’s a search that’s taken years and more hours than I’m willing to admit that I’ve wasted looking at different fonts.

Maybe I’ll add it to my bucket list.   Along with ‘Find the perfect decorative font for a tattoo of V’s name on my wrist’.

What?  Doesn’t everyone add fonts to their bucket list??

What fonts am I missing?  What’s your must have design font?  The one you just can’t live with out?  I need to know so I can go download it and feed my obsession.

Friends and family who live out of town have been asking for a Vista update.  So if you’re not in the mood for medical drivel skip over here where Kim is asking the craziest place you ever had a quickie.  Oh come on.  You know you want to share…

______________________________________

Even though I haven’t been blogging and tweeting much about it, Vista has continued to seizure despite the meds she’s on.  She did really well on her first med, Clobazam, until a growth spurt rendered it useless.  She was on the highest dose do the decision was made to add a second drug, Trileptal.

After the Neuro prescribed the second med, they also decided they wanted to see her in office and reassess.  They’re very concerned at the amount of regression and behavior changes we’re seeing in her after her seizures.  So, getting her seizures under control has become priority #1 in her medical regime.

At that visit we also got V’s latest diagnosis:  Symptomatic Partial Epilepsy

Not a huge shock, since she’s been seizuirning for 3yrs.  What it means is she’ll have to go 2yrs seizure free on meds before they’ll try to wean her off of them to see if she might have grown out of the seizures at some point.

Unfortunately we haven’t made it two weeks yet.

V hasn’t done really well on the Trileptal.  The higher doses make her really irritable and the lower doses still aren’t controlling the seizures.

So, they’ve now added in a third med called Valproic Acid.  She’s only been on it a few days, so only time will tell how this one works.  We’re keeping our fingers crossed that third time is a charm.

The down side about the Valproic Acid is that she’ll need her levels checked.  This means the blood tests.  But really, if it controls the seizures, it’s worth a few needle sticks.

On the upside, since her last growth spurt she seems to have mostly outgrown her dairy allergy.  Yay!  Pizza and ice cream for everyone!  We still have to watch how much dairy she eats (too much will upset her tummy a bit), but all the severe symptoms are gone.

All and all, she’s doing not too bad.  She’s growing like a weed (my 3yr old is wearing size 6/7 shirts!), loving summer sun, and content knowing she’s an adored princess.

Lisa, of Let’s Talk Babies, is in the process of moving houses, so she asked me if I would guest post for her.  Of course I said YES!!

She was one of my very first regular commenters on  my blog and I will forever adore her for that.

So, if you’re looking for me, I’m not here.  I’m over there.

I’m a total emotional eater.

I love my sinful indulgences.

Skittles are a simple pleasure.

Chocolates from Bernard Callebaut are heaven.

Crave cupcakes are a peaceful reprieve to my chaotic life.

My mom’s chocolate chip cookies take me back to the innocence of my youth (and we won’t talk about the Nanimo bars she makes at Christmas).

Basically?  I’m never going to lose weight until I lose this sweet tooth… or they start making Crown Royal calorie free.

There is a particular brand of women I don’t tend to be friends with in real life.  I have no patience for them.  I don’t want them around me.

Yet I find it harder to escape this type when I’m online.  Social media tends to breed them.

I’m talking about women who are The Victim.

These are women that have a pervasive ‘woe is me’ attitude… about everything.  And they’re too busy crying about how life has done them wrong to change anything.

I know everyone goes through their ‘things’.  People are entitled to bad days, bad weeks, even bad years.  Sometimes shit happens.  Even I’ve had my fair share of downer moments on this blog in the past few years.

But it’s when you’d rather sit around feeling sorry for yourself, wallowing in your own self pity, that I tend to tune out.

My friends in my day-to-day world tend to be women of strength.  Women who, in some cases, have been dealt a pretty shitty hand lately.  And they’ll talk about their frustrations and what’s bothering them.  Sometimes they even have a good cry over things.  Then they pick themselves up and move forward.  Because life does not stop.  They are women who choose to focus on what is right in their lives and make the best out of what they can’t always control.

Then you have the other category of women.  I sometimes wonder how much of their constant personal drama is locked into a cycle because they feed off the attention of others.  They surround themselves with people who will pat them on the head, tell them how life has dealt them a raw deal,  and constantly confirm to them how wonderful they are, over and over and over and over,… and over and over and … yeah, well… If you’re that type, I probably stopped reading and commenting on your blog about 5 ‘overs’ ago.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I never expect people to agree with me on everything (just like I don’t expect everyone to agree with this post).  My friends regularly have discussions on differing opinions.  I love that.  I feel it helps me learn, grow, view the world as I might not have thought to.

By surrounding yourself with people that will only agree with you, and attack anyone who says the least little thing outside of the acceptable rote responses, you are locking yourself into victim mode.

What I’ve been considering, lately, is how much I contribute to this by not saying anything.  By not commenting that ‘hey, I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, but look at your wonderful healthy kids, your great job, your nice house,’ am I just as bad as those people who smother The Victim with the protective shield that drips with venom for the naysayers?

And I guess that’s why I don’t speak up.  I don’t want to become a target for the whiners posse who are posed to attack anyone who doesn’t agree fully with everything The Victim says.  I don’t feel like causing huge internet drama through one comment.

And so, the next question becomes, as my hand hovers over the unfollow and delete buttons, why don’t I just eradicate these people from my online life like I would my real life?

Possibly because I have learned that in this day of social media that a simple unfollow, a quick delete, a removal from my blog roll (blog rolls are meant to be dynamic, people. Sheesh.  Who I read changes on my mood), can cause just as much drama.  Because for The Victim, anything that can cause drama means more attention for them.  Booyah!

So either way I’m left feeding the addiction for these people.  And I do believe it’s an addiction.  To attention. To blog stats.

So what to do?

Cause drama, or sit back and watch it?

There are some days when a regular cup of coffee is just not enough.

Days when Vista decides to get up at 4am would be a prime example of this.

Rather than get in the truck and drive all the way to the next town to get a Starbucks (because, let’s be honest – I’m too lazy and Starbucks isn’t open at 4am), I resort to a glass of Ca phe sua da. Also known as Vietnamese iced coffee.

Only problem is – I don’t have the nice little setup to brew it the traditional way.  So at home I  resort to:

Jenn’s Ghetto Vietnamese Iced Coffee

• Make some espresso.  Or a pot of really strong coffee.  Or go super ghetto (like me at 4am) and just make double strength instant coffee.
• Put about 2 tablespoons (or more if you like it sweeter) of sweetened condensed milk (NOT evaporated milk.  You need the sweet thick stuff) into a glass.
• Add a little bit of your coffee to the milk just to dissolve it a bit.
• Fill the glass with ice cubes.
• Pour the rest of your coffee over the ice cubes.
• Stir and enjoy.
• Make it through the day sane.

You’re welcome.