So You’re Not In The Popular Crowd

Quite frankly, get over it. Really.

I just read a post lamenting the fact some big name blogger doesn’t respond to her and wont mentor her.

I am hearing and seeing this attitude more and more.

An expectation of ‘I read your blog and comment and I tweeted you so now you must pay attention to me dammit!’

Um, no. Hate to break it to you, but that’s not how life works.

I don’t follow everyone who follows me. Not because I’m a bitch (I am, but that’s not why). Not because I think I’m bigger / better / more important. I don’t. I comes down to two very simple things.

  1. Interest.  Are you saying something that interests me?  If you’re not, then you’re just noise in my twitter stream and blog reader and I don’t bother.  This directly feeds into my second point.
  2. Time.  There are only so many hours in a day.  I would LOVE to spend all day reading blogs and responding on twitter, but I don’t have the time.  I have a 2yr old that needs to be paid attention to, fed, loved, taken places.  I have animals that need to be cared for.  I have a house that needs to be looked after.  I have a husband that I like to spend time with once in a blue moon.  I have business deadlines.  So, all that stuff needs to be balanced.

I do love getting comments on my blogs and on twitter.  The day I stop loving it is the day I will stop blogging.  And when I have the time, I try to go through and respond to every single one to let people know how much I appreciate them.  But there are days where that’s just not possible.  I run out of hours and steam and have to sleep at some point (why do I feel like I should apologize for that??)

iStock 000006428830XSmall 300x199 So Youre Not In The Popular CrowdAnd that’s just me.  When you look at bloggers and tweeters who have thousands and hundreds of thousands of followers, it’s not realistic to expect them to possibly have the time to respond to each and everyone.  When your time is finite you’re going to respond to those people you have established relationships first.  That’s just natural.

And yes, there are blogging cliques and twitter cliques.  I’m guilty of this.  I have a group of people I gravitate to, because we share common interests and personalities.  Cliques exist in real life.  In a perfect world they wouldn’t, but this isn’t a perfect world.  It’s reality.

So rather than going on about how ‘so and so’ won’t talk to me, focus on people who will.  Build relationships with them.    Those people will recommend you to their friends.  Those friends will recommend you to their friends.  And eventually you may find yourself having dinner with that one person who was at one time out of reach.

Never underestimate the power of word-of-mouth.  I’ve made amazing friends and connections from people who were recommended to me.  I’ve also been able to network with some great people after being recommended by a mutual friend.

But if you’re only focused on climbing the popularity ladder, being an attention whore, and using people for what they can do for you, you’re going to find a lot of doors closed to you.  People talk.  Remember that.

If I can give people starting out any advice it would be the words of my very brilliant friend Colleen:  “Instead of trying so hard,  just be yourself.”

So, instead of sending emails, requests, comments, tweets to the biggest name bloggers, find people that you can build relationships with.  People you have things in common with.  People who like you for you.  The rest? Will come… all in good time.

    The Truth About Ownership

    The new brand of quasi-celebrities.  Bloggers.  We put our lives out there.  Share our thoughts, our spouses, our children.  Share our highs, our lows, our successes, our failures.  Share who we went out with, who we saw, who we talked to, who we talked about.  Share where we went, where we want to be, who we want to be.

    We put it all out there for complete strangers to read. And these strangers slowly become a name recognized out of the comments, an acquaintance, a friend.

    We invite these people into our lives, saying look at me, this is who I am. Look and see what I stand for, what I stand against, what I won’t take sitting down.

    But there is a price we ask in return.  We want love and adoration. We need support and comfort.

    And the more we crave, the more people we invite, allow, entice with our writing, into our inner circle.  And as this inner circle grows and flourishes so does our power.

    We become mentors, leaders, masters of our domains.

    But, so it is said, with great power comes great responsibility.

    With but a few words we can whip our zombie hoards into a frenzy and unleash them on some unsuspecting target.  They will do our dirty work and destroy and demolish.  Those who stand in our paths will be silenced.

    Except…except…what happens when it’s not mindless zombies we unleash, but emotional beings.  Capable of rational thought.  And what happens when these people stop, amidst the chaos they help caused, and turn to look over their shoulder at the person who directed the rampage.  And what happens, when as one, they turn and bring the chaos back to our own doorstep.

    As bloggers we not only need to own what we say, what we think, what we do personally, but accept the power we hold and wield.  Accept ownership, accept responsibility for those people who look to us and are willing to stand up for us.  Accept that we have the power to use this for good AND for evil and that the two are sometimes not so black and white, as much as shades of gray.  Accept that when people do things at our behest, on our behalf, we wholly own part of the responsibility for those actions.

    IF we are not willing to accept and own this responsibility, then we cannot be surprised when people turn on us in anger and disappointment at our failed leadership.

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