Please Pass The Porn and Xanax

This is the time of the year when you start reading all these posts where people look towards 2011 and go on and on about how they’re going to make it their bitch.


Not so much.

For 2011 I just want to watch more porn and convince my doctor to give me a prescription for Xanax. (I know, you’re shocked I don’t already have one).

The reason for the Xanax (other than to deal with the demon spawn also know as my daughter) is because nothing stresses me out more than the thought of having to set goals for myself. We’re talking full blown hyperventilation.

When I used to be a corporate schmuck, I worked for a company that was all about goal setting. Every year you’d have to lay out, in glorious gory details, all the things you were going to achieve that year. And once your name was signed to it, your whole bonus depended on some bullshit you dreamed up 11 months ago, before the intervening 10 months bitch slapped you into the ground.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I never missed out on a bonus. No. I was a good enough spin doctor that I could make the numbers say whatever I needed them to (which is probably why, these days, I regard 98% of statistics with a healthy dose of skepticism).

So, even though I walked away with my nice little ‘thanks for actually doing your job’ cheque, those goals were the bane of my existence.

I don’t like the idea of living a whole year to one arbitrarily set standard.

Our lives are dynamic, so I’ve never understood the need to hold ourselves to something so static.

And when the end of the year comes, I watch people sit there and beat themselves up over not meeting these random (and in the grand scheme of things, semi-meaningless) goals.

“Oh Em Gee.  I wanted to loose 19.3 lbs and I only lost 18.7 lbs.  I am such a gigantic failure at life”.

Really?  You’re going to base the success of a whole year on what a scale says? *cringe*

Why not look at all the things you accomplished this year?  Did you finally get around to reading that book?  Did you take that course you’ve been promising yourself for 3 years you were going to get around to taking?  Did you simply take the time to sit and play with your kids?  All those are accomplishments worthy of recognition.

So tell me…

What amazing things did YOU accomplish this year?

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