celestial body

Enough Of This Emo Shit. Let’s Talk About Vaginas

3341605323 4ed626a455 m Enough Of This Emo Shit.  Lets Talk About Vaginas
Image by Kuzeytac via Flickr

Latin names always freak me out.  Take rosacea for example. Sounds more like a skin condition than the family of flowers known as the rose.

Oh wait… it is a skin condition too. Well nix that.

But you see what I mean. Latin names are confusing.

You don’t tell a woman she has a nice gluteus maximus. No of course not. You complement her on her fabulously toned ass, which she’s obviously spent hours in the gym for, and isn’t it nice that she has that kind of time, while the rest of us sit around eating bon-bons all day in our muumuus. Pass the chocolate please.

Same as you don’t talk about bumping your ulnar nerve. No, you hit your damn funny bone which isn’t so funny when it’s your own elbow, is it? Ha! Who’s laughing now?

And how many of you pick umbilicus lint? Show of hands? Well there you go. Although apparently some people have a fetish for it.

My point is, Latin is the root of many body parts. But the English language has mangled it or ditched it all together in favor of the comfortable, the known, the easy to pronounce.

So….

Why the hell haven’t we done that for our own vaginas? Oh sure we have nicknames for it.

  • Vajayjay.
  • Hoo-ha.
  • Beaver – my personal Canadian favorite
  • For those who don’t wax – Bearded Oyster
  • Cooter (I’ve always wondered if this was where the word ‘cooties’ came from).
  • And for those who are really fru fru and need to get their heads out of their asses (sorry, anal cavity) – Flower

But we haven’t really come up with one solid, specific name to replace the dreaded ‘vagina’.

And things just go downhill when you start talking about the rest of the bits down there.

Clitoris. Sounds like a celestial body, doesn’t it. You know. ‘Clitoris; second star to the right and straight on till morning’.

Then you have ‘mons pubis’ which I’m pretty sure is a mountain on a moon circling around Venus. (If your first thought was ‘Hey, Venus has no moons’ you are a) TOTALLY missing the point here and b) in serious need of a sex life)

And don’t forget about the two constellations Labia Minora and Labia Majora.

No wonder men are clueless about how things down there work, when WE can’t even pronounce them.

The only word down there that is recognizable to them is ‘hood’, but in typical fashion, half of them these days look under a hood and have no idea what to do with what’s there.

So I vote we rename everything. Start with a clean slate. Something maybe men will relate to and want to play with (I was thinking penis, but that’s already been taken).

Or maybe we just need to start renaming things men like.  The Heisman Trophy could easily become the Hymen trophy, right?

So lets hear it.  What would your naming theme be?  Sports? Women’s Magazines?  Car parts (since we’re already started down that path anyway)?

 Enough Of This Emo Shit.  Lets Talk About Vaginas

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