conversation

Sex Positive

One of the highlights of my BlogHer trip was finally getting to meet and spend time with ToyWithMe. She is absolutely as fabulous in person as she is online.  Her ToyWithMe persona is not just some online facade. It is truly who she is, through and through.

When it comes to talking about sex, and being sex positive, she is frank, unabashed, and unashamed. It’s utterly fascinating to watch her speak with other women.

At the same time it’s interesting to watch these women go from squeamish and squirming about the topic, to grilling her about correct use of sex toys, all while standing in the middle of the conference floor.

What I tried to figure out is, what is it about ToyWithMe that allows people to feel safe enough that they can open up and have that sex positive dialogue with her?

Then I realized, a better question is – why isn’t there more of that going on?

Most of the people I chat with on my blog and twitter, are mothers. Most of my friends in real life have kids. Generally, having kids = having sex at some point in time.

And yet this continues to be a taboo topic, quietly whispered about in corners. And some women are afraid to even opening the conversation for fear of being labeled ‘over-sharers’.

We’re all adults here, right? (and if you’re not over 18, you shouldn’t be reading my blog, so stop it right now).

Why is sex such a difficult topic for us? Why are we so embarrassed to discuss it?

Maybe it’s just that my filter is broken. I have no problem discussing sex.

Perhaps it’s that I’m comfortable with who I am.  I also have no problem with another women changing in front of me. It doesn’t make me any more uncomfortable than it would having my husband change in front of me. They’re a person, they have a body. Yay. I mean, really? What’s to be uncomfortable about? We all have the same parts, right? It’s not like i don’t know what they look like.

I can remember being embarrassed as a kid in the change room of the local swimming pool. I mean, OMG, what if someone SAW me!  *dies*

I have no idea when I finally got over that. But I did. It’s just a non-issue now.

But that brings me to Vista and how she’ll view herself growing up.

One of my ultimate challenges in life is going to be figuring out how to raise my daughter as sex positive, while stripping the hypersexualization that media encourages in young girls.

Yes, those are two VERY different things.

I want her to embrace who she is as a female and be proud of what she looks like. I want her to view sex as a normal, healthy thing (between CONSENTING ADULTS).  I want her to be free to express her sexuality and ask questions.  And I want her to know she can do all of that without dressing, looking, and acting, like a two-bit tramp.

I think it’s time we start educating our girls (and other women!) to be empowered, rather than embarrassed.

My Inner Martha Stewart

People who know me in passing seem to have this image of me as a bit of a wild child.  And while I can be when the occasion calls for it, I’m much more likely to be found curled up with a book or crafting when I’m not catering to Vista’s every whim.

2178543652 83f183e74b m My Inner Martha Stewart
Image by skinnylaminx via Flickr

But this weekend, I’m taking off for a girls scrapbooking weekend.

I know a lot of people are cringing at the thought of spending 3 days laying out pages, cropping pictures, and adding embellishments, but for me it sounds like heaven.

It appeals to my inner Martha Stewart.

I did offer to Bil this morning to cancel my trip, since Vista is sick right now, and it can be a lot to deal with a coughing, puking child on your own.  But he’s told me to go, so I’m going to take him at his word and enjoy myself.

Enjoy not having to wake up at 4:30 am with my early bird 2yr old.

Enjoy being able to relax and put my feet up.

Enjoy having someone else cook the meals all weekend.

This will also be a good test run for my NYC trip this summer, as this will be the first time I’m away from V for more than one night (trying very hard not to hyperventilate just from writing that).

I know she’ll be fine with Daddy, and he’s hands on enough that I don’t feel I have to leave a list of ‘to-dos’ for him.  He knows her medication schedule and how to give her the inhalers. And really, other than that, she’s a pretty easy kid.

So I’m going to go, enjoy some adult conversation, maybe have a drink or three, and scrapbook my little heart out.

 My Inner Martha Stewart

Insert Something Witty Here

I’m seeing this more and more.

The feeling of ‘I wanted to say something, but couldn’t come up with anything witty to say, so I didn’t say anything at all’.

I’m guilty of this.

I’ve typed many a tweet and blog comment and then just before hitting that post button, I’ve deleted it because I didn’t feel it added anything to the conversation.

And I find myself doing that more and more. This self-censoring.

But why do we put such pressure on ourselves? Why does everything we write have to be just perfect, better than the other persons comment, tweet, whatever ?

Honestly, I’m happy to have any blog comment. Even if it’s just one that says ‘hey I was here and I liked this post’.

I don’t ever read my comments or tweets and think ‘Wow…why did they even bother writing that?’.

To me it doesn’t matter if what someone has written is witty, smart, funny, profound.

What matters more is that they felt it was worth taking the time to comment or reply at all. And that means a lot.

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