pity party

Excuse Me While I Bang My Head Against This Brick Wall

After my post earlier this week about pity parties, what to I find myself doing?  Yeah, because I like to be all hypocritical like that.  Hey, just sticking with my strengths here.

iStock 000002243299XSmall 200x300 Excuse Me While I Bang My Head Against This Brick WallI spent the morning scrubing and disinfecting the bathroom (while scrubing and disinfecting V in the tub) after yet another unexplained puking episode.  They are random, cause unknown.  And doctors can’t be bothered to find out.  We did have a Gastro-Intestinal specialist for V, but she basically shrugged and said “Yeah, she might just be like that until she’s older”.  F*cking super.  Really?  Well in that case, you come to my house and clean up after her, hold her while she sobs, because she’s so goddamn tired of throwing up herself.

After getting V out of the tub and drying her off, 3 hours of her crying non-stop began.  She’s exhausted, but can’t tell me what’s wrong.  I’m frustrated, she’s frustrated.  Nothing distracts her.  I tried singing, telling stories, massages… she just cries.  Again, the doctors shrug and say “She’s kind of a mystery.  We have no idea”.  Well that’s f*cking super.  Then you come over and spend all night, every night, for weeks on end while she bawls her eyes out and screams in pain. And then the hitting starts.  She starts hitting herself over and over and over trying to soothe herself. And you have to restrain her, which just makes the whole thing worse.

I’ve tried to get an appointment with our family doctor.  That call was placed on Monday.  No one ever bothered to get back to me.

I am so sick to death of fighting to try and figure out how I can make my daughter feel better.  I’m not the one with the god damn medical degree here so why am I doing the job of a doctor?

And, yes, we have seriously considered bringing her down to the States.  The only thing holding us back is the fact we haven’t won the lottery lately and a trip like that would be extremely expensive.

I’m officially throwing up my hands and saying I give up.  I don’t know what else I can possibly do at this point.

I’m lucky that I can call Bil at work after an especially impossible day and he’ll try to come home a bit early if he’s able to.

For those women who don’t have a support system like that in place… well…

I told someone once that I could understand how shaken baby syndrome happens.  I get why some women get to the point they end up murdering their children.  I don’t condone it. I would never, ever, in a million years, let that happen.  I just understand how people already teetering on the edge eventually break and take that step over into the horrible.  You can hate me for that. You can stop reading right now.  Feel free to tell me how awful I am in the comments.  But until you’ve gone three weeks without sleep, while rocking and doing everything in your power to calm your child, when even drugging her doesn’t work, and the doctors won’t do anything to help?  Then, and only then, can you judge.

People are always telling me “Just wait til she’s a teenager.”  At this point I’m just trying to make it through the next week.

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