Parenting Expert
It’s been my experience that many people who consider themselves ‘parenting experts’ are those who have managed to raise one or or more perfectly normal little children.
It’s rare to hear a parent of a special needs child refer to themselves as an expert in anything.
We quickly learn that what works for ‘most kids’, rarely, if ever, works for ours.
And so we’re left slogging through trying to come up with something, anything that will work.
Because what works today, probably isn’t going to work tomorrow, or an hour from now.
I can’t even begin to communicate the level of frustration that brings.
And yet for the solutions we do find that we manage to make work we are look down on and called out by parenting experts and even other parents.
YES MY CHILD WEARS A BACKPACK LEASH SOMETIMES WHEN WE GO OUT.
According to one of the parenting experts on twitter, this means I’m treating my child like an animal.
*insert tears of frustration here*
Never mind the fact that Vista actually LIKES to wear her backpack. She often brings it to me and asks to wear it around the house.
Never mind the fact it’s an easy, no fight, solution to walking around busy places with lots of people.
It was suggested I use a ring-sling as a harness. That would be great for 5, 10, maybe even 15 minutes. But for a 1 or 2 hour walk with a 45lb Amazon 3yr old? With a child who often can’t bare to hold hands because of the feel of it? A child to whom a gentle guiding hand could cause a complete meltdown because I touched her? A child who will wonder off and not even consider where mom and dad are? A child who would walk off with a stranger without a second thought? Uhhh….yeah….
But I’m treating her like an animal because I put her backpack leash on her.
Well parenting experts, you come spend a day with me.
You go through the 2 – 3 hour battle of the meds in the morning. These meds are not optional. She must have them. Not taking them could result in seizures that could kill her.
You take a child with sensory issues, epilepsy, and other brain issues, for a lovely walk in a crowded place with just a ring sling. Don’t forget the behind-the-head headphones to help her block out the sounds. And a package of wipes just in case she accidentally touches something and starts screaming about her fingers being dirty.
Then come home and start battle #2 of the meds.
Now it’s time to fix dinner. Don’t forget the bowl you serve it in cannot be warm or it’s considered hot and no food will be eaten.
Oh, no, you don’t get to eat dinner too. No, this is where you sit and help the child with their spoon or fork, because at 3 years old they still aren’t able to manage it.
Now it’s time for battle #3 of the meds.
Tired yet?
Oh well, you still have to give the kid a bath and put her to bed. Don’t forget that no water can get anywhere near the face or it’ll be an epic meltdown. Oh, and brushing her teeth will require a specific tooth brush (her choice, it changes daily. But don’t use the wrong one or…yeah, epic melt down). Oh, and if you pick the wrong toothpaste? Then you’ve just extended bedtime by half an hour while you calm her down.
Yeah, good luck with that.
If you make it through the day without ending up in tears yourself, then maybe I’ll consider your advice.
But only maybe.
Preschool, School, Homeschool… *headdesk*
- Image by Getty Images via @daylife
I’m pretty sure Vista’s therapists think I’m a complete flake.
We’re having to make the dreaded preschool decision for this fall.
And when you have a special needs kid, it’s not as easy as just picking one and going.
First there’s finding a place that will take ‘early entry’ (take them when they’re three instead of four).
Then we have to find a place that takes kids who aren’t potty trained yet. And that little criteria pretty much eliminates every preschool in our area unless Vista has an aide. Which at this point isn’t a given.
So at this point we’ve put her name in at both school boards (public and catholic) in the off chance she does get an aide.
But now I’m sort of backpedaling. I’m not convinced that putting her in preschool this fall is the right thing for her after all. She’s going strictly for the socialization aspect, but are there better arenas for that?
This past week of seizures has really made me reconsider. How are other kids going to react to a child who acts one way for a month then has a few seizures and has a complete personality change? Aide or not, other kids don’t react well to that sort of lashing out.
And Vista’s birthday party on the weekend was another event that made me rethink this whole preschool decision.
There were about 10 kids there (ranging in age from 2 – 10). These were good kids. Well behaved kids. Kids who weren’t wild and screaming and acting like idiots. Kids with LOTS of parental supervision. Ten kids is a VERY small preschool class. Only one school, in a small town south of us offers a class of that size.
And Vista lasted one hour with 10 kids before the meltdowns started. Before the pouting defiance started. Before she was miserable and overwhelmed. To the point where we didn’t open presents at the party because it would have been too much for her.
To the point where she didn’t even eat a piece of the special no-cheese pizza we ordered for her or her birthday cupcake because she was so stressed.
She latched on to her BFF, Gracie, as soon as she arrived and wouldn’t let her out of her sight. But Gracie isn’t going to preschool next year. So who would be Vista’s anchor in the sea of toddler chaos?
As much as Vista needs the socialization and to learn how other kids her age play, how much is she really going to get out of it if she’s completely overwhelmed with the situation?
So maybe we’ll keep her at home for another year and let her be a kid for a bit longer.
And maybe we’ll throw schooling right out the window.
More and more people out here are moving to homeschooling, sick of the bullying that goes on, sick of the substandard education that’s provided as a result of over-worked and under-paid teachers.
And Vista with her follower copy-cat mentality, poor coordination, but bright mind would be a prime target for bullies. I know. I was too. It ruined my early school years. I don’t want my child going through that.
What a choice. Schooling, socialization, bullying, questionable education vs homeschooling, butting heads, and losing my sanity.
Which would you choose?
