talking about sex

Sex Positive

One of the highlights of my BlogHer trip was finally getting to meet and spend time with ToyWithMe. She is absolutely as fabulous in person as she is online.  Her ToyWithMe persona is not just some online facade. It is truly who she is, through and through.

When it comes to talking about sex, and being sex positive, she is frank, unabashed, and unashamed. It’s utterly fascinating to watch her speak with other women.

At the same time it’s interesting to watch these women go from squeamish and squirming about the topic, to grilling her about correct use of sex toys, all while standing in the middle of the conference floor.

What I tried to figure out is, what is it about ToyWithMe that allows people to feel safe enough that they can open up and have that sex positive dialogue with her?

Then I realized, a better question is – why isn’t there more of that going on?

Most of the people I chat with on my blog and twitter, are mothers. Most of my friends in real life have kids. Generally, having kids = having sex at some point in time.

And yet this continues to be a taboo topic, quietly whispered about in corners. And some women are afraid to even opening the conversation for fear of being labeled ‘over-sharers’.

We’re all adults here, right? (and if you’re not over 18, you shouldn’t be reading my blog, so stop it right now).

Why is sex such a difficult topic for us? Why are we so embarrassed to discuss it?

Maybe it’s just that my filter is broken. I have no problem discussing sex.

Perhaps it’s that I’m comfortable with who I am.  I also have no problem with another women changing in front of me. It doesn’t make me any more uncomfortable than it would having my husband change in front of me. They’re a person, they have a body. Yay. I mean, really? What’s to be uncomfortable about? We all have the same parts, right? It’s not like i don’t know what they look like.

I can remember being embarrassed as a kid in the change room of the local swimming pool. I mean, OMG, what if someone SAW me!  *dies*

I have no idea when I finally got over that. But I did. It’s just a non-issue now.

But that brings me to Vista and how she’ll view herself growing up.

One of my ultimate challenges in life is going to be figuring out how to raise my daughter as sex positive, while stripping the hypersexualization that media encourages in young girls.

Yes, those are two VERY different things.

I want her to embrace who she is as a female and be proud of what she looks like. I want her to view sex as a normal, healthy thing (between CONSENTING ADULTS).  I want her to be free to express her sexuality and ask questions.  And I want her to know she can do all of that without dressing, looking, and acting, like a two-bit tramp.

I think it’s time we start educating our girls (and other women!) to be empowered, rather than embarrassed.

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