Victim

Right Now

There are conversations you should never have to have with a friend.

“If something happens to me… if he does something to me… will you post it on my blog so people know?”

It’s a post I never want to write.  But it’s drafted in my head, just in case.  And that ‘just in case’ makes me ill.

Your life is like a time bomb.

“He’s never hit me…” … yet.

“He’s never hurt the kids…” … yet.

His rage is slowly simmering,  though.  And one day just controlling your every move won’t be enough.

One day beating you down, emotionally, verbally, won’t be enough.

I hate this for you.

I hate that you’re trapped in this once happy life.

Right now, I want it to all go away for you.

Right now, I want you safe.

Right now, I want him out of your life.

But right now I sit waiting for the call that will make me open your blog and write the post that I never want to write.

The call that will shatter my heart into a million pieces.

The call that will make me hunt him down and hurt him as he’s hurt you.

And I wait.

And I hope.

But mostly I hurt for where you are in your life… right now.

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Domestic Abuse takes many shapes and forms.  It doesn’t have to be physical violence.  Isolation, manipulation, control, and psychological intimidation are all forms of abuse.

If you’re a victim of domestic abuse, you’re not alone.  There is help.

Please visit Violence Unsilenced or Hot Peach Pages for resources in your area.

The Victim

There is a particular brand of women I don’t tend to be friends with in real life.  I have no patience for them.  I don’t want them around me.

funny pictures melodrama cat The Victim

Yet I find it harder to escape this type when I’m online.  Social media tends to breed them.

I’m talking about women who are The Victim.

These are women that have a pervasive ‘woe is me’ attitude… about everything.  And they’re too busy crying about how life has done them wrong to change anything.

I know everyone goes through their ‘things’.  People are entitled to bad days, bad weeks, even bad years.  Sometimes shit happens.  Even I’ve had my fair share of downer moments on this blog in the past few years.

But it’s when you’d rather sit around feeling sorry for yourself, wallowing in your own self pity, that I tend to tune out.

My friends in my day-to-day world tend to be women of strength.  Women who, in some cases, have been dealt a pretty shitty hand lately.  And they’ll talk about their frustrations and what’s bothering them.  Sometimes they even have a good cry over things.  Then they pick themselves up and move forward.  Because life does not stop.  They are women who choose to focus on what is right in their lives and make the best out of what they can’t always control.

Then you have the other category of women.  I sometimes wonder how much of their constant personal drama is locked into a cycle because they feed off the attention of others.  They surround themselves with people who will pat them on the head, tell them how life has dealt them a raw deal,  and constantly confirm to them how wonderful they are, over and over and over and over,… and over and over and … yeah, well… If you’re that type, I probably stopped reading and commenting on your blog about 5 ‘overs’ ago.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I never expect people to agree with me on everything (just like I don’t expect everyone to agree with this post).  My friends regularly have discussions on differing opinions.  I love that.  I feel it helps me learn, grow, view the world as I might not have thought to.

By surrounding yourself with people that will only agree with you, and attack anyone who says the least little thing outside of the acceptable rote responses, you are locking yourself into victim mode.

What I’ve been considering, lately, is how much I contribute to this by not saying anything.  By not commenting that ‘hey, I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, but look at your wonderful healthy kids, your great job, your nice house,’ am I just as bad as those people who smother The Victim with the protective shield that drips with venom for the naysayers?

And I guess that’s why I don’t speak up.  I don’t want to become a target for the whiners posse who are posed to attack anyone who doesn’t agree fully with everything The Victim says.  I don’t feel like causing huge internet drama through one comment.

And so, the next question becomes, as my hand hovers over the unfollow and delete buttons, why don’t I just eradicate these people from my online life like I would my real life?

Possibly because I have learned that in this day of social media that a simple unfollow, a quick delete, a removal from my blog roll (blog rolls are meant to be dynamic, people. Sheesh.  Who I read changes on my mood), can cause just as much drama.  Because for The Victim, anything that can cause drama means more attention for them.  Booyah!

So either way I’m left feeding the addiction for these people.  And I do believe it’s an addiction.  To attention. To blog stats.

So what to do?

Cause drama, or sit back and watch it?

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